Daughters and Sons

As I embark on a new adventure, having a soon to be teenager, I can't help but reflect on where the time went and whether or not I paused enough along the way to enjoy the little moments before she grew into this young woman today. Did I listen to her enough? Did I hug, love, kiss, smell her enough? Now she's "too old" for all that and I have to dig deep into my memories for those sensations and smells.

Is it, however, too late? No. I'm so grateful for these children. For the sounds [please translate as noise] they make; for the arguments I have to help resolve; for the bonds they share with one another and with me; for the love they have shown me; for the grace they show others. For being in my life and allowing me to be their guide.

My entry today is long overdue and may seem short, but there isn't more that I can add to a simple thought...and that is treasure every moment, sound, smell, and touch. Take the time to listen and to love unconditionally. Nothing in life is as important as your children and loved ones...everything else can wait because God knows and has shown, time does not stop.

Enjoy your children's adventures and make them your own; who knows, it may keep us young too!

Dash

Tonight a friend forwarded a link to me that I found quite poignant. It was about a person giving a friend's eulogy and referring to the person's birth and death dates as important, but not as significant as the "dash" in the middle.

It is so true...how do we want to be remembered? What do we want to accomplish during our brief time on this earth? What are we "dashing" through life for when in the end it is how we lived and how we set examples, showed loved, showered affection, bestowed kindness that mattered...it is that "dash" on our tombstones that signifies a life's efforts.

With the embarking of this New Year, I have had so much to think about and so much to be grateful for; in the brief few weeks of this New Year I have seen a friend survive a stroke and thanked God for her miraculous ability to heal and to heal those of us around her. I told her, "you dodged a bullet!" In reality, however, her "wake-up call" was for all those who surrounded her. I am so grateful that her "dash" is still just a dash and that there is not date to follow it...and I pray there won't be one for a very very long time. I pray that her moment of pause and reflection stays with not just her but us all. Whether you are raising children or have seen them grow; or if you have no children, but care for friends and loved ones...to take a moment and realize that this life is precariously brief and preciously so.

Stop, don't dash through life...live and live well so that when your loved one(s) are saying your eulogy they can refer to the dates between your birth and death...to that "dash" as a gift to not just them as your friends, companions, husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, but to humanity as a whole.

May you all live long, happy, healthy, loving and productive lives.

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Holiday Spirit

It has been well over a month since I last wrote...so caught up in life's adventures. I noticed that the 17th of November was the last time I wrote. I started to reflect on what has transpired since then...Thanksgiving, children's schoolwork, children's holiday programs (please multiply the latter two by 4 since I have four children), holiday guests, preparing for Christmas and more, yes more, holiday programs performed by very talented individuals if I do say so myself!

As much as I enjoy the idea behind the holidays like giving thanks and celebrating survivals, victories, families and births (depending on your faith), I wonder if the deep rooted meaning of all these combined faiths' reason for celebrating somehow got caught up in commercialism with the passage of time? Actually, I don't wonder, I know. When my son can see a gift in the back of my car and look into it and say "mom, that's not what I wanted." Instead of, well first, he shouldn't be looking! Second, he should have said, "hey mom, thanks...couldn't help myself but peek!"

As many of you know, I am Zoroastrian. I hear so many of you saying "what?" and it is no wonder. It is a dying faith, but if you look it up you will see it's historical significance. In a nutshell, it was the FIRST faith to say there is only ONE God. It's teachings are simple, to "do good, say good and think good." Our major celebration this time of year, as is true for most Iranians, is Shab-e Yalda (literally "night of birth"), the longest night of the year - a celebration of the winter solstice where families gathers to share in fresh fruit and nuts; a reminder of their thankfulness for the harvested crops that they were still able to gather during the winter months. From this night forward (Shab-e Yalda), days become longer and the "birth" of more light (longer days) meant more potential for survival. The next celebration to look forward to was the spring solstice where everything is renewed and the earth as awakened from its winter slumber.

So if we look back at history and see that religions, faiths as I prefer to say because I believe that all of us share one God, celebrated for a purpose and gave "gifts" of nuts, fruit, food, friendship, oil for light as gifts of thanks...where and why did humanity deviate from that path.

Well, to those of you who are reading this...even if it is only myself...I am old-fashioned in so many ways and pray on a daily basis for humanity to return to humanness. My favorite artist/singer/"spiritualist" who I miss to this day is John Lennon so forgive me for quoting his lyrics because as I walk the malls or listen to the radio, in my mind, this is the only song playing:

JOHN LENNON
"Imagine"

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

A Heart Shared

For days I have been mulling things in my head to write about....so much to say, but not sure that all is worthy of being said. Today, I heard from a friend, Alison. A high school friend whom I have not spoken to in years. To say I am Facebook unsavvy would be putting it quite graciously, but that is how Alison reached out to me.

I am a firm believer that nothing is random. Today, as I was contemplating all that is and was, I get an email from her via Facebook, "Just wanted to let you know: back in high school you gave me a little silver heart pendant on a chain. I put it on a silk cord, and now my little daughter wears it all the time. And every time she does, I think of you! Hope good fortune follows you everywhere, Alison."

My immediate reaction was tears not born of sadness, but of remembrance; of a gift given and for the passage of time that would see that gift now worn by a friend's child. Where does time go? How do we spend it? share it? give it?

To know that a small token of friendship passes on to another generation is like knowing that life doesn't stop...it continues. Like friendships born of understanding and sharing; like love shared at various depths; like a future yet to be experienced but secured by the knowledge that our past has set a solid foundation for us to move forth...that is what I feel.

Thank you Alison for passing on a token of our friendship so that it may live on with your daughter and in our memories and hearts!

5 Lbs Sugar Jar

Several weeks ago, I was speaking to a buyer of a major company about our company's pregnancy pillow. She was honest and funny at the same time...telling me, "we carry only 3 pregnancy pillows; and there is only so much shelf space...you know what I mean. I mean you can only fit 5 lbs of sugar in a 5 lbs jar!" I laughed and said I understood very well; not neglecting to mention that The Utterly Yours Pregnancy Pillow is the smallest, most compact pillow that not only simultaneously supports your lower back and abdomen, but also is recommended by OB-GYNs!" A lot for a 5 lbs jar (in my humble opinion) and well worth her shelf space.

Well, as with anything business related or otherwise for that matter, you plant a seed and water it - hoping it will grow and come to fruition. The waiting is the hardest part especially when your mind and heart are fully devoted. So why title this entry, 5 lbs sugar jar?

I started asking myself a question a few days after my conversation with the buyer of that major company, "how much sugar can you fit in a 5 lbs jar?" Thinking of my body as that jar and recalling a story from many years past about a professor who stood behind his podium holding a jar filled to the brim with large stones. He asks his students, "is the jar full?" They unanimously say yes! He reaches under the podium and finds smaller rocks that he gently pours into the jar filling in the spaces between the stones. "Is the jar full now?" he asks his students and again, they say yes, but a little more hesitantly. He reaches under the podium and pulls out a bag of sand that he pours into the jar; again, filling small spaces. He turns to the class and asks the class, "is the jar NOW full?" The class is silent as if they knew there was more to come and there was...a cup of water. "Now," the professor stated, "the jar is full!"

It was a profound idea to me even back then because our perception of what we can do, what we can achieve, who we can be...they are all seemingly predefined by some unknown factors we have stored in our mental "file cabinets". The professor was trying to visually tell his students to question their predefined notions..."to leave no stone unturned" in essence.

So to hear this buyer talk about a jar of sugar, I knew what she meant about shelf space being limited, but in my mind I was thinking how much potential was in our package. Then that thought led to me searching my internal jar to see how full it was and how much more it could hold. There are days when the jar feels like it will burst and there are days when I am so warmed by thoughts that the "sugar" in this metaphorical jar (body) has melted to syrup and there is Oh, so SO much more room for more!

May everyone's jar be, first and foremost, filled with sugar, but may there also, always, be warmth in your hearts to turn that sugar to syrup and make room for more.

Mommy why...?

Ever been asked the question "mommy why...?" followed by anything from as simple as why the sky is blue to as complex as to why do we die? My four-year-olds questions are rather easy to answer. They usually have to do with colors, shapes, and letters. My eight-year-olds questions aren't so bad either; they usually pertain to tennis, math questions, playdates and his "why's" are usually why I have said "no". My twelve-year-olds questions used to be difficult, but now they are a bit easier; they usually pertain to make-up, clothes, friends and homework (have to admit that in the latter, I don't always have the answers...guess I'm not "smarter than a 7th grader")! It is the eleven-year-olds questions that have always thrown me into the depths of my soul searching for answers to not just appease him, but also set him at ease.

The other night, he could not sleep and asked if I would lay next to him. I knew it was "question/answer" time. He laid quietly for a moment and then asked, "mom, why to bad things happen to good people?" God, a question I have asked myself thousands of times and had yet to find the answer. What do I say? How do I ease his obvious sadness. In my silence, he went on to ask, "why do people have to die?" "How are you so sure that there is a God, a heaven?" OK...I was still spiraling from question number 1...now what do I say? I decided to say what I silently say to myself when these questions arise in my heart and mind.

I answered simply, "I believe in God because He has shown me comfort in moments of pain and in moments of happiness. I have never seen Him, but I believe he surrounds us. Your grandfather taught you that as well by saying his prayers daily and reassuring you of all that he had witnessed in life to prove that a greater force was guiding humanity." This, by the way, came from a man who had seen his share of many and unfortunate losses from one of his son's dying to his wife being hit by a car to siblings dying to surviving wars and hard financial times. Yet, he was steadfast in his beliefs and in God. He made certain to share that belief with all of us he loved and with those who would listen. Reminding my son about his grandfather managed to at least let him take a deep breath; remembering his grandfather seems to do that to all of us.

"So why do bad things happen to good people?" "I don't know son, but live a good life and be the best human being you can be so that when you rest your head on your pillow at night, you know that you lived well and treated those around you justly; wake up the next day with the objective to continue being true to yourself. Watch for signs of God in everything; open your heart to 'hearing' Him and you'd be surprised how often He'll answer." I went on to tell him that if we spend our time looking for the bad or only seeing the bad or not even attempting to right a wrong then we are living a life that is full of sorrow and that is not what life is supposed to be about. Being happy and sharing your happiness...now that's living! In my mind I was thinking that an eleven-year-old doesn't need to bear "the weight of the world".

As I left the bed with a son now fast asleep and seemingly at peace, I couldn't help think about something I had heard...a spoonful of salt in a cup of water would be very distasteful to drink, but a spoonful of salt in a gallon of water would be easier to drink. What does that mean to me/you... if you could put all the bad into a spoonful, but make the world a gallon of good...then the world would be a much more "tasteful" place to exist.

To say I am not apprehensive of what my son's next "mommy why..." question will be wouldn't be a truthful statement, but with each question and with each day's experiences, I am getting more adept at answering because I have learned to "hear" more with my heart.

Education...and more

As I expressed my frustrations with my cousin tonight about my children being so dependent on me for completing their homework, that her simple comment back was...let them face the consequence of their actions or inactions. "How can I? They will get a bad grade?" In my mind, I was thinking, "they won't get into Harvard, Stanford..." Her truthful response (I am paraphrasing of course) was that fail now and learn rather than fail later when no one can "save" them. I won't be around forever, but often I think I push so hard for things in life because I want more for my children and even for others than I had for myself. I believe education is the "last frontier" so to speak. Meaning, everything in life nowadays can't be bought with money...most of us don't have it to do so. Health can't be maintained when emotions on are overload 24/7; love grows dim and dies as worries take root where love once had planted a seed...like a weed taking over the lawn and leaving nothing but devastation of the heart, soul and mind. Education, however, whether it gets you into Harvard or Stanford or not is not the point; education gives you power.

It is empowering to know that life holds no limits; that the exploration of the world, the earth, your back yard holds no limits; that with education you know the value of a life...human, animal, plant. With knowledge comes the realization of what matters and it is not material things I can assure you. So do I, as a mom, want to see my child at a podium giving a valedictorian speech during Harvard's graduation because of the the school s/he is graduating from or would the fact that any podium s/he stands behind to give that speech would be just as rewarding? I believe the latter would hold true...it's not the institution, but what was instilled in my child's own self-will that got him/her to that podium.

As the world has watch Chile bring miner after miner out from under the earth with unwavering faith and perseverance, it has been done so by educated men and women combining their wills and their strengths to see each life saved. Was their pursuit in saving these lives for recognition, fame? Maybe for some, but I sincerely believe the miracles we are watching in Chile are due to individuals who have used their various levels of education and faith to prove to the world the the "last frontier" is saving humanity and showing humaneness. Maybe an educated world would see the value in life rather than the value in a dollar.