Friday, May 28, 2010

Goals

Have you ever sat to think what your goals are in life...real goals, not just the "I wish" ones? As all of us know, you can have lots of "I wish" goals, but the goals that drive us are far different, far deeper and far richer once attained!

So tonight, I was sitting and thinking about goals. The "what do I want and why?" Believe it or not, it wasn't money...it was just peace. Believe me when I say, I dug deep..."what do you mean you don't want money? what do you mean you don't want beauty? youth? success? love?" I must have driven myself crazy before I got centered and focused. "What do you want Anita?" and the answer was so clear, "peace" - inner, outer, mental, physical, eternal, global. Then I thought to myself, "wow, that is an awfully tall order, but heck why not?" If you're going to wish or dream, dream big. Ever heard of the "law of attraction"? Basically, you draw that to you that you want...and there's plenty to go around; so forgive me if I choose to dream big...I wish the same for you.

To quote my favorite poet, Rumi:

The beginning, which is thought,
finds its end in action.

The fruits are first in our thoughts,

but only in the end they truly seen.

When you have done work

and planted the tree,

When the fruit appears,

you read the first words.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Tennis

Why blog about tennis? Well, all my children play tennis including the 3 year old, but that's not why I am writing about it tonight. As I sit and watch the French Open, I sit here mesmorized by the grace; the skill; the sportsmanship...I sit here wondering if I will ever sit in the audience and watch one of my own on center court? Maybe yes, maybe no...but it doesn't matter. Every time I watch my children rally on the court, I sit as mesmorized as I am sitting now.

But again, why blog about tennis? Why is it that I love the sport so much? It is because I consider it a "gentleman's sport" ( and I am not referring to a man playing vs. a woman playing); I am referring to the fact that I enjoy seeing the players play hard for themselves and at the end offering their hand in a shake of comraderie; friendship; acknowledgement of the other players efforts and position/skill in the sport.

I find myself using the rules of tennis in life lessons with my children. For example, if one is mad and slams something down in frustration...I ask, "would you ever consider doing that on the court while in a match?" The answer is always "no". The lesson in tennis is patience, observance (watch your opponent; what is their strength, their weakness?); what game plan are you going to form to win this match? Oh, how the same holds true for life!

Are you [my children] planning life, your goals? Who is your opponent? What do you need to do to overcome/outplay your challenges [opponent]? How are you going to do that?

I see my role as the coach...I am here to guide you, but on the "court of life" you have to take what we've talked about; what you've learned and use it to win! Please know that my definition of winning is not money or status related...it is, how good do you feel about yourself? your life? Every time my children and I talk and have our family meetings, it is all about goals - small or major.

So in this game we call life, how well are we going to play it? A question to seriously ponder.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Another Sunday

Where did the week go? Isn't that the truth of time whether it be a second, minute, hour, day or week...and even to go further than that a month or even a year. I see the passage of time not by looking in the mirror, to vain I guess to do so (joking of course), but in the growth of my children. How did my eldest get to be 12 so soon and my 3 year old is already talking about her birthday in June..."you must not forget the presents mommy!" I already have her "list" although what it says would take a highly skilled scholar to decipher because to me it looks like lines of scribbles...beautiful - yes, colorful - yes, creative - yes, readable - no! So I have had to very diplomatically ask her what each line means as she looks at me incredulously like "what do you mean you can't read this." Oh and the list, it's not just one page long. I believe I will need to have a fundraiser of sorts to meet this ones demands!

As I think ahead to her birthday, I have mixed feelings. I am so pleased to see the children grow, learn, develope their own personalities; I feel blessed that they are healthy...could do a bit without all their debating, but what can you do...I taught them how to speak?! I had to pause for a moment, I had one of those "life passing before my eyes" moments...although mine wasn't the kind you have just before death...it was more like "how the heck did I survive ALL that and thank God I've made it this far!" Children need oh so much more than just food and clothes; there's love, attention, stimulation of the mind and body, adventures with their "peers"...it's true children do not come with manuals and unfortunately, upon giving birth you are practically "kicked" out of the hospital after barely even healing. Forget the "Child Raising Manual", I was just glad they let me attempt to shower before leaving! I guess once your bowels have a movement then it is "A - OK to leave!" That's the requirement you know...a bowel movement and going pee. God, I felt sorry for the women who had a c-sections; sure they got the extra day, but how could anyone think that after a major surgery, the arrival of a new life, the challenges of nursing...one would be ready to leave in 3 days!

Next time I give birth, I am going to The Netherlands! That's it, my mind's made up...Oh wait, I can't have more children...forgot...oh, Well, next time you all have children...go to the The Netherlands! There pregnancy, breast feeding, giving birth are respected...maybe not revered, but darn close; and women are treated with such care as to ensure their healing. I think that is true of much of Europe - or at least that is what I have been led to believe and have read.

Anyways, what was it I was saying...Oh, yes, the passage of time. It goes by fast, but to be present in this moment and in the present moment of those you love...keeps you grounded; keeps you centered and focused; and above all else helps you nurture and nourish not only those you love, but yourself as well.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Sundays

Having gone to an all girls Catholic school in my youth through high school; then to a Jesuit school for college, I find that Sundays, in particular, remind me to be even more prayerful. Maybe it was the fear of God the nuns instilled in me as a youth or the Jesuit priests who lectured me in college...always serious and rarely a smile to be seen. Maybe it was my own desire to understand what was beyond this earthly existence that set me on a path/mission to work through my past as I sought my future.

I have NO fear of God and am only teasing about the nuns and the Jesuit priests (well, half teasing...I got some pretty serious glares and admonitions, but hey, if you're going to sneak off campus in high school and Mother Superior just happens to be at the light across from you and sees you...well, you better damn well be sure your name is going to be called on the PA system to go report to her office!). And the Jesuits, well there again, if you are going to focus on the boy next to you in class as opposed to the austere "man in black"...don't be surprised if a ruler comes slamming down on your desk to get your attention. "Fear of God" - no; Fear of God's representatives/army here on earth - yes!

All kidding aside, Sundays are my day to reminisce about life and to unwind to prepare myself for the week ahead. Mind you, when I get down on my knees on Sunday, I do ask God to give me the strength to get through the week to come...cause God and I both know the definition of "hell" is the week ahead...at least in my household! As a matter of fact, I believe that there is no "hell"; that "hell" is what we make of life here on earth...your thoughts? If you live well, then your soul is at peace; if you don't, then your soul is tormented consciously or even unconsciously by your acts. I may have said this before, but when I rest my head on my pillow at night, I think to myself "did I do all that I wanted to do in this day? Did I live fully? Accomplish deeply? Show love unconditionally?" My hope is that I can say "yes" to those questions. Even if I can't then I think to myself what would you, Anita, have done differently. Let today go...there's always tomorrow! Thank God for that!

On that note, I want to quote a poet I adore...Rumi.

"God's Purpose for man is to acquire a seeing eye and an understanding heart."

How simple, how true.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Nursing Part 2

So my sister, who you will recall is my business partner, and probably the only follower of my blog sends me an email saying "did you really sit on a toilet? Hey, check out these articles I found on other women with issues while trying to nurse in public!" Is she really my business partner?! Granted she has no [perceivable] breasts and at every conference, I'm the one doing the demo on the breast pillow, but did she really not realize how hard it has been for women to breastfeed in public with out being subconscious.

I should put my kidding aside and say that she has one son that she gave birth to very prematurely and we are so blessed to have him in our lives. She had to pump to feed him for several months and although, she got brief glimpses into the joy of breastfeeding, her son's issues didn't allow for her to continue for as long as she wanted for him to continue. Thankfully, he is fine, but I know that she, my sister, went through a lot of guilt and pain as she watched her premature son struggle for life. Now, he is the light of everyone's life...and you would never guess for one instant that he had been born prematurely! He can out calculate you in math and I don't care how old you are; he can out read you and again, I don't care how old you are!" We call him our "little genius" even when he tries her patience to the nth degree (he even knows what that is...God help us all)!

Anyways, back to the original topic. She sends me these links and I'm thinking to myself...did she not read my blog (I am already quite aware of these things) or was she trying to rile me up to have me head towards Capitol Hill in Washington, DC (I live only 2o minutes away) and fight for all womens' right to breastfeed in public?! God only knows how many times I have wished I could do that...head towards Capitol Hill with thousands of women behind me breastfeeding as we marched!

Someday... and even if that day doesn't come soon, I can tell you for sure what is coming - consciousness. We, as humans, I believe and pray are becoming more conscious of not just our planet, but our people and our lives. Breastfeeding is one part of that picture and to me, the first piece in an amazing puzzle that will depict mankind's future! So breastfeeding ladies everywhere - persevere, never fear to ask questions, and nurse wherever you feel comfortable; and please ladies, when I plan my march...don't forget to join me!

Nursing

For quite a while now, I have been working on a nursing shawl that would enable the mom to nurse in public and yet be able to see what her infant was doing while nursing. As I was working on the design, I started recalling all the debates over nursing in public; even the debates about how long to nurse.

I remember with my first child trying to find private spaces to nurse. When a baby is hungry, what are you to do? Deny the child food because the public may view the act of nursing as inappropriate to be done in private only? Stay home for the duration of your nursing time...that could be months to years! I remember rushing into restrooms with a screaming baby because there wasn't a chair in the grocery store for me to sit on. Just imagine sitting on a toilet (with santitary sheets on it of course), but trying to get your body to decide what part of you was to have a "let down" - your bowels or your breasts! For mom's who haven't nursed yet, a "let down" is when your body/mind tells your breasts to release milk down the milk ducts for the infant to drink. I remember thinking to myself how degrading this was [ie. nursing in a bathroom].

With baby number 2, I got a little bolder. In the grocery store, I would find a corner to sit down in... in the aisle if necessary; or I would nurse in my car; or anywhere I could sit. I started realizing that the act of nursing wasn't the act of "exposing" myself. It was the act of nourishing and bonding with my child. I kept my head down because several of the stares I had received while gazing about brought my milk production to a dead halt!

With baby number 3, well I not only got bolder, but could have cared less where I nursed - as long as I was comfortable and if I had forgotten my blanket to "cover" myself... "oh well, look if you want, but you're not going to find much of interest to see!"

And finally, baby number 4, I could nurse sitting, standing, walking, dancing, doing a head stand if I wanted to. And if you thought I could have cared less with baby number 3, you would have been shocked by baby number 4. I came to realize that it was not my insecurities about my body and the beauty of nursing that was the problem - it was people's perception of the act of nursing. The view that nursing in some way was sexual or obscene or some sort of exposure that I needed to impose on the public was no longer my burden to bear!

First, I would never want to expose myself for the public to view; I have too much respect for myself and my body. Second, the act of nursing is natural; it has been part of mankind and "animal-kind" since the inception of both. It is time to re-evalute our priorities and to me our priorities in a child's life begin at birth. It is true that nursing is not always easy and it is often tiresome, but its benefits are felt for a lifetime between not just the mother, but the infant. Whether, you nurse for a minute or a year, the benefits are immeasurable.

Having said all this and now as I turn back to the shawl I am designing, I am thinking... am I being hypocritical for designing such a thing? On one hand, I feel the answer would be yes; why cover oneself and one's infant in an act that God had intended for us to pursue and endeavor in. On the other hand, we are in a society that is not evolving as quickly in its perception of nursing as I would hope. So, I guess I have to weigh two options - scrap the project or continue it because it may ensure the mom's sense of comfort and hence, ensure their desire to continue nursing - even in public.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Entrepeneur

What does that word mean anyways? and should it be applied only to people who take business ideas and their inherent risks as far as they can before either their nerves break them down or their finances?

As a company, Utterly Yours, has always tried to respect not just our customers and retailers, but our value system as well. Meaning be true to ourselves and treat others as we would want to be treated. We know we have products that have not just won awards, but have been proven to work through countless people using them; but what happens when you, as a company, as an owner, don't feel like you get that same respect back?

There have been times when an irrate individual will reach out to me in frustration that the product isn't for them and they want their money back...well, after just 1 minute of calming them down through reassurances that we are not here to take their money but to help; and then another minute of finding out the issue at hand - we both, the customer and I, come to the conclusion that she sized herself wrong. Literally a few moments of treating someone's concerns with respect then helping them solve the problem leaves not just the customer feeling acknowledged, but me feeling as if I have been productive as well.

Now, why have I said all this and why am I awake this late at night? It is because today I found myself dealing with the disregard of a retailer. I had reached out to her several times to resolve her bills with our company only to be ignored...even though the messages were quite clear..."we are all financially struggling can I help break this [your bill] down for you? I'm an entrepeneur as well and know the struggles you may be experiencing. Let's talk."

Well, tonight I believe that an "entrepeneur" should have a broader definition. It should mean someone who takes an idea, and it's inherent risks, but also one who looks at the other side of the "coin" to see what the market really needs; the consumer really wants; and how are we going to respect not just ourselves, but the community in which we have brought this idea to. By community, I mean you could be a corner store or a worldwide enterprise. A "community" is people serving one another and in so doing enhancing their home, their neighborhood, their city, their state, their country, their continent and ultimately, the planet in which we live on.

An entrepeneur is someone who can set an example...then couldn't we all, potentially, be entrepeneurs? What a world it could be!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Shadows

When you look back, are there things you wish you could change, relive, forget? I know I would never want to "go back" in time, but why do I still think about it? I call these memories shadows because they follow me relentlessly. Even if the sun is shining brightly down on me, there's a shadow directly beneath me as if mocking me and saying "you may be blinded by the beauty of the sun and day, but I am still here, underfoot, and waiting."

I'm not scared of my shadow, but lately I've been more aware of it. My father was hospitalized and although he is old and has many medical issues...he is definitely one of my shadows! My mother is another...but don't all children grow up and say the same thing? The other day, my son says to me, "mom, if it continues to rain will the little flowers drown." I replied, by saying "yes, it's possible, but hopefully the flowers need the water and will be fine." I started thinking of the analogy of "showering something with too much water, as in rain, or with other things, like too much love, hate, disregard, too much regard/interference...doesn't it all tend to drown a person? I believe yes. Then a child "showered" by these different emotions has to learn to swim or drown in the environment it is growing. These thoughts were mulling in my head as I drove and I couldn't help but think what am I "showering" on those around me; those I love? I may view it as love, concern, but what do they, the children or family or friends view it as?

So then my mind continues on this path, what if, instead of "showering" people with all my emotions, I just let them come and go as they please. Meaning, not trying so hard to please or to change things or to make things better or different. Just let things be and grow; watered of course; guided of course; loved and nurtured, but not "showered" upon. What would happen?

I believe that individuals would thrive knowing that that there is someone always there for them, but that are meant to grow as individuals. Maybe their shadows wouldn't be mocking them later in life...maybe their shadows would just be "tagging along for the ride."

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About Me

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I am a mother to four beautiful children who have taught me more than I believe I have taught them; they have also been the inspiration to the products I have developed to help pregnant and nursing moms.