Passages...

Seems like forever since I last wrote, but as God is my witness I have reasons/excuses! Namely four children, five...if you count the dog, and SIX, if you count the husband. The latter, in my humble opinion, should actually count as more than one child...twins maybe? Anyways, I digress...

Most of those close to me know, I am a "bit" of a perfectionist..."bit" is in quotations because those close to me would argue, in court, that I had committed perjury and in so doing, must be punished! OK, so I'm a perfectionist...I can't help it! From my children, to my family, to my work, to my products, to my...you name it...it has to be just right. My mother complains, that I clean the house ever morning before leaving so that if robbers were to come they would find the neatness impressive and also have an easier time robbing me...how dare she ;-)! I keep my home clean because I am, what's that word? Oh, I hear all of you shouting "anal", but I was looking for a nicer word - seems to allude me right now!

Anyways, for the several weeks/months I have had to come to the humble conclusion that my children no longer want me to homeschool them. They told me so point blank. I swallowed my pride and had to accept that I can not force my views on them or live vicariously through them. They are individuals with rights, mindsets, self-developed senses of wisdom and justice...my role here is one of guidance. I think it hit "home" most when they all, almost in unison said, they wanted me as their mommy and not as their teacher. I was literally brought to tears...had I not been their mother all this time?

After weeks of what seemed like endless phone calls, paper trails to be followed and filled out, petitioning and driving, a chapter was completed with a new one to be written - our children were moving forward into what I prayed would be situations that would help them grow and feel complete in environments that were healthier for them and with starts that gave them renewed energy to succeed and assimilate. I may no longer be their teacher, but I am feeling so comfortable with the direction they are heading.

All the children got into the schools I had hoped they would get into. With school due to start on Tuesday of this upcoming week, I am both anxious and overwhelmed, but happy for the children because they are happy with the outcome. I won't lie and say, I wish I had succeeded in my original homeschooling goals or that to see them embark on this endeavor, I feel some (a lot) of sadness, but I assure myself that I will be a better mom for them, as per their request, and that they in turn will grow from all our shared experiences as well.

So why do I write tonight? I write because I am thinking about the "rights of passages"....who defines them? why do they exist? and where will my children be in a year, 5 years, 10, etc....
No one knows, but one thing is for certain, in my mind, there are no "rights of passage" only paths to be explored, made and embarked upon.

My role was never to have my children, dog or husband, follow down my path/passage...only to act as a guide and enabler. Who knows, maybe someone else will take the lead and allow me to follow! I sincerely look forward to that day...with all this "hiking and leading", my feet are really starting to ache ;-)!