After 7 days of having no electricity due to Mother Nature's demonstration of power last Friday, I was left feeling incapacitated at first... empowered as time past. Often, our lives center on work and the technology that drives it. Loss of power forces you to look towards solutions that give you a sense of control. Family becomes a priority from their care to their entertainment. Days become a means to reconnect with life and nature. Friends become an invaluable source of comfort and support especially when there are no immediate family members near. Lesson learned, there may come a time when outages cause you to reevaluate how to get through the day, but ultimately we must realize that the power lies within ourselves always. Keep the light within yourself continually glowing!

The interesting dilemma of summer vacation...who's really on vacation? I feel like I work all school year long and then it's "summer vacation"! I should be screaming, "Yeah!", but instead I feel liking screaming "ugh"! I'm thrilled to be around the children more, but where's the vacation part for me?

Work continues, but now the distractions of the day have increased. Trust me, entertaining four children isn't always easy and camps can be OH so very expensive! Put in perspective, however, worth it at times!

Children gauge their time as if it is infinite where as adults we know it is finite. Trying to make the most of it often being the challenge as mornings quickly slip into night and the cycle starts anew. I find myself continually saying "cherish these distractions; the noise...before you know it, the children will be grown and on their own adventures!" I'm a firm believer that my role is to build their foundation so that they can fly and soar from the rooftops if they so please, but seeing how quickly my first born has grown...it is only a matter of time when I'll be waving bon voyage!

I digress. I started this entry laughing about what summer vacation means to me vs. my children. While they enjoy that they can stay up late, I pray they stay quiet enough for me to get my 6 hours of sleep. When I get up in the morning to face its challenges and facets, I am greeted by all 4 children rearing for me to plan their day's adventure...now try waking those same 4 kids on a school night having gone to bed at their appropriately scheduled times! Forget it, the alarm goes off and they groan and pull the covers over their heads. Am I crazy or shouldn't they be sleeping in now that it is summer time. Why the burst of energy while I try to enjoy my morning cup of coffee in peace?

I guess trying to make heads or tails out of this is probably as futile as trying to stop time!

On a day when the weather outside is beautiful and all should be right with the world, I have spent close to an hour with Cynergy Data, my company's merchant service provider, discussing why a $200 penalty fee is unfair. A fee, by the way, that I only became aware of today because I called to answer a letter they had sent me. Response from the top management was, you should have been aware that you were penalized. How can a person keep on top of these penalties when on your bank statement all that it says is the name of the company? Or when a statement comes and it is full of numbers and abbreviations?

Being overly sensitive, I had to stop and look outside my window again to realize all IS alright with the world and that it IS beautiful outside. I have run my company for now 8 years, always putting the customer first; choosing to produce in the United States to help my country's economy. In the end, where I think we fail as fellow human beings is the desire to truly help one another. To evaluate what is important...keeping a customer or the $200?

Maybe I am naive, but how can a person survive with all the obstacles placed upon them by the economy and the big companies just looking at the bottom line? I think it's time for more people to look outside their windows and take a deeper breath of not just fresh air, but humility and honesty. Maybe then every day would be a beautiful day...rain or shine!

It has been quite a while since I have written. Life, children and work have gotten the best of me it seems, but that is no excuse. As I look at what has transpired since my last posting, I realize that the most significant things have been my children coming into their own personalities and challenging the path I had so carefully (in my mind) laid out for them.

My fourteen-year-old daughter has more to say about life than she did at ten. Even my sons have different life choices they are making. When I challenge their views, they often come back with logical responses...making me question my original thoughts. Topics from music to TV to movies to clothes and friends not to mention school are more in their hands than mine. Our wonderful world of technology has made everything so readily accessible to my children. My five-year-old can use my iPad more efficiently than I! It is amazing and scary.

So where to I go from here? I can't change my belief system on what is right, wrong and acceptable, but I can open my eyes, ears and even heart to listen more carefully; to talk more openly; to guide more perceptively.

Children growing up is a fact, but HOW they grow up to be responsible and humane beings is a choice.

Daughters and Sons

As I embark on a new adventure, having a soon to be teenager, I can't help but reflect on where the time went and whether or not I paused enough along the way to enjoy the little moments before she grew into this young woman today. Did I listen to her enough? Did I hug, love, kiss, smell her enough? Now she's "too old" for all that and I have to dig deep into my memories for those sensations and smells.

Is it, however, too late? No. I'm so grateful for these children. For the sounds [please translate as noise] they make; for the arguments I have to help resolve; for the bonds they share with one another and with me; for the love they have shown me; for the grace they show others. For being in my life and allowing me to be their guide.

My entry today is long overdue and may seem short, but there isn't more that I can add to a simple thought...and that is treasure every moment, sound, smell, and touch. Take the time to listen and to love unconditionally. Nothing in life is as important as your children and loved ones...everything else can wait because God knows and has shown, time does not stop.

Enjoy your children's adventures and make them your own; who knows, it may keep us young too!

Dash

Tonight a friend forwarded a link to me that I found quite poignant. It was about a person giving a friend's eulogy and referring to the person's birth and death dates as important, but not as significant as the "dash" in the middle.

It is so true...how do we want to be remembered? What do we want to accomplish during our brief time on this earth? What are we "dashing" through life for when in the end it is how we lived and how we set examples, showed loved, showered affection, bestowed kindness that mattered...it is that "dash" on our tombstones that signifies a life's efforts.

With the embarking of this New Year, I have had so much to think about and so much to be grateful for; in the brief few weeks of this New Year I have seen a friend survive a stroke and thanked God for her miraculous ability to heal and to heal those of us around her. I told her, "you dodged a bullet!" In reality, however, her "wake-up call" was for all those who surrounded her. I am so grateful that her "dash" is still just a dash and that there is not date to follow it...and I pray there won't be one for a very very long time. I pray that her moment of pause and reflection stays with not just her but us all. Whether you are raising children or have seen them grow; or if you have no children, but care for friends and loved ones...to take a moment and realize that this life is precariously brief and preciously so.

Stop, don't dash through life...live and live well so that when your loved one(s) are saying your eulogy they can refer to the dates between your birth and death...to that "dash" as a gift to not just them as your friends, companions, husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, but to humanity as a whole.

May you all live long, happy, healthy, loving and productive lives.

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Holiday Spirit

It has been well over a month since I last wrote...so caught up in life's adventures. I noticed that the 17th of November was the last time I wrote. I started to reflect on what has transpired since then...Thanksgiving, children's schoolwork, children's holiday programs (please multiply the latter two by 4 since I have four children), holiday guests, preparing for Christmas and more, yes more, holiday programs performed by very talented individuals if I do say so myself!

As much as I enjoy the idea behind the holidays like giving thanks and celebrating survivals, victories, families and births (depending on your faith), I wonder if the deep rooted meaning of all these combined faiths' reason for celebrating somehow got caught up in commercialism with the passage of time? Actually, I don't wonder, I know. When my son can see a gift in the back of my car and look into it and say "mom, that's not what I wanted." Instead of, well first, he shouldn't be looking! Second, he should have said, "hey mom, thanks...couldn't help myself but peek!"

As many of you know, I am Zoroastrian. I hear so many of you saying "what?" and it is no wonder. It is a dying faith, but if you look it up you will see it's historical significance. In a nutshell, it was the FIRST faith to say there is only ONE God. It's teachings are simple, to "do good, say good and think good." Our major celebration this time of year, as is true for most Iranians, is Shab-e Yalda (literally "night of birth"), the longest night of the year - a celebration of the winter solstice where families gathers to share in fresh fruit and nuts; a reminder of their thankfulness for the harvested crops that they were still able to gather during the winter months. From this night forward (Shab-e Yalda), days become longer and the "birth" of more light (longer days) meant more potential for survival. The next celebration to look forward to was the spring solstice where everything is renewed and the earth as awakened from its winter slumber.

So if we look back at history and see that religions, faiths as I prefer to say because I believe that all of us share one God, celebrated for a purpose and gave "gifts" of nuts, fruit, food, friendship, oil for light as gifts of thanks...where and why did humanity deviate from that path.

Well, to those of you who are reading this...even if it is only myself...I am old-fashioned in so many ways and pray on a daily basis for humanity to return to humanness. My favorite artist/singer/"spiritualist" who I miss to this day is John Lennon so forgive me for quoting his lyrics because as I walk the malls or listen to the radio, in my mind, this is the only song playing:

JOHN LENNON
"Imagine"

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

A Heart Shared

For days I have been mulling things in my head to write about....so much to say, but not sure that all is worthy of being said. Today, I heard from a friend, Alison. A high school friend whom I have not spoken to in years. To say I am Facebook unsavvy would be putting it quite graciously, but that is how Alison reached out to me.

I am a firm believer that nothing is random. Today, as I was contemplating all that is and was, I get an email from her via Facebook, "Just wanted to let you know: back in high school you gave me a little silver heart pendant on a chain. I put it on a silk cord, and now my little daughter wears it all the time. And every time she does, I think of you! Hope good fortune follows you everywhere, Alison."

My immediate reaction was tears not born of sadness, but of remembrance; of a gift given and for the passage of time that would see that gift now worn by a friend's child. Where does time go? How do we spend it? share it? give it?

To know that a small token of friendship passes on to another generation is like knowing that life doesn't stop...it continues. Like friendships born of understanding and sharing; like love shared at various depths; like a future yet to be experienced but secured by the knowledge that our past has set a solid foundation for us to move forth...that is what I feel.

Thank you Alison for passing on a token of our friendship so that it may live on with your daughter and in our memories and hearts!

5 Lbs Sugar Jar

Several weeks ago, I was speaking to a buyer of a major company about our company's pregnancy pillow. She was honest and funny at the same time...telling me, "we carry only 3 pregnancy pillows; and there is only so much shelf space...you know what I mean. I mean you can only fit 5 lbs of sugar in a 5 lbs jar!" I laughed and said I understood very well; not neglecting to mention that The Utterly Yours Pregnancy Pillow is the smallest, most compact pillow that not only simultaneously supports your lower back and abdomen, but also is recommended by OB-GYNs!" A lot for a 5 lbs jar (in my humble opinion) and well worth her shelf space.

Well, as with anything business related or otherwise for that matter, you plant a seed and water it - hoping it will grow and come to fruition. The waiting is the hardest part especially when your mind and heart are fully devoted. So why title this entry, 5 lbs sugar jar?

I started asking myself a question a few days after my conversation with the buyer of that major company, "how much sugar can you fit in a 5 lbs jar?" Thinking of my body as that jar and recalling a story from many years past about a professor who stood behind his podium holding a jar filled to the brim with large stones. He asks his students, "is the jar full?" They unanimously say yes! He reaches under the podium and finds smaller rocks that he gently pours into the jar filling in the spaces between the stones. "Is the jar full now?" he asks his students and again, they say yes, but a little more hesitantly. He reaches under the podium and pulls out a bag of sand that he pours into the jar; again, filling small spaces. He turns to the class and asks the class, "is the jar NOW full?" The class is silent as if they knew there was more to come and there was...a cup of water. "Now," the professor stated, "the jar is full!"

It was a profound idea to me even back then because our perception of what we can do, what we can achieve, who we can be...they are all seemingly predefined by some unknown factors we have stored in our mental "file cabinets". The professor was trying to visually tell his students to question their predefined notions..."to leave no stone unturned" in essence.

So to hear this buyer talk about a jar of sugar, I knew what she meant about shelf space being limited, but in my mind I was thinking how much potential was in our package. Then that thought led to me searching my internal jar to see how full it was and how much more it could hold. There are days when the jar feels like it will burst and there are days when I am so warmed by thoughts that the "sugar" in this metaphorical jar (body) has melted to syrup and there is Oh, so SO much more room for more!

May everyone's jar be, first and foremost, filled with sugar, but may there also, always, be warmth in your hearts to turn that sugar to syrup and make room for more.

Mommy why...?

Ever been asked the question "mommy why...?" followed by anything from as simple as why the sky is blue to as complex as to why do we die? My four-year-olds questions are rather easy to answer. They usually have to do with colors, shapes, and letters. My eight-year-olds questions aren't so bad either; they usually pertain to tennis, math questions, playdates and his "why's" are usually why I have said "no". My twelve-year-olds questions used to be difficult, but now they are a bit easier; they usually pertain to make-up, clothes, friends and homework (have to admit that in the latter, I don't always have the answers...guess I'm not "smarter than a 7th grader")! It is the eleven-year-olds questions that have always thrown me into the depths of my soul searching for answers to not just appease him, but also set him at ease.

The other night, he could not sleep and asked if I would lay next to him. I knew it was "question/answer" time. He laid quietly for a moment and then asked, "mom, why to bad things happen to good people?" God, a question I have asked myself thousands of times and had yet to find the answer. What do I say? How do I ease his obvious sadness. In my silence, he went on to ask, "why do people have to die?" "How are you so sure that there is a God, a heaven?" OK...I was still spiraling from question number 1...now what do I say? I decided to say what I silently say to myself when these questions arise in my heart and mind.

I answered simply, "I believe in God because He has shown me comfort in moments of pain and in moments of happiness. I have never seen Him, but I believe he surrounds us. Your grandfather taught you that as well by saying his prayers daily and reassuring you of all that he had witnessed in life to prove that a greater force was guiding humanity." This, by the way, came from a man who had seen his share of many and unfortunate losses from one of his son's dying to his wife being hit by a car to siblings dying to surviving wars and hard financial times. Yet, he was steadfast in his beliefs and in God. He made certain to share that belief with all of us he loved and with those who would listen. Reminding my son about his grandfather managed to at least let him take a deep breath; remembering his grandfather seems to do that to all of us.

"So why do bad things happen to good people?" "I don't know son, but live a good life and be the best human being you can be so that when you rest your head on your pillow at night, you know that you lived well and treated those around you justly; wake up the next day with the objective to continue being true to yourself. Watch for signs of God in everything; open your heart to 'hearing' Him and you'd be surprised how often He'll answer." I went on to tell him that if we spend our time looking for the bad or only seeing the bad or not even attempting to right a wrong then we are living a life that is full of sorrow and that is not what life is supposed to be about. Being happy and sharing your happiness...now that's living! In my mind I was thinking that an eleven-year-old doesn't need to bear "the weight of the world".

As I left the bed with a son now fast asleep and seemingly at peace, I couldn't help think about something I had heard...a spoonful of salt in a cup of water would be very distasteful to drink, but a spoonful of salt in a gallon of water would be easier to drink. What does that mean to me/you... if you could put all the bad into a spoonful, but make the world a gallon of good...then the world would be a much more "tasteful" place to exist.

To say I am not apprehensive of what my son's next "mommy why..." question will be wouldn't be a truthful statement, but with each question and with each day's experiences, I am getting more adept at answering because I have learned to "hear" more with my heart.

Education...and more

As I expressed my frustrations with my cousin tonight about my children being so dependent on me for completing their homework, that her simple comment back was...let them face the consequence of their actions or inactions. "How can I? They will get a bad grade?" In my mind, I was thinking, "they won't get into Harvard, Stanford..." Her truthful response (I am paraphrasing of course) was that fail now and learn rather than fail later when no one can "save" them. I won't be around forever, but often I think I push so hard for things in life because I want more for my children and even for others than I had for myself. I believe education is the "last frontier" so to speak. Meaning, everything in life nowadays can't be bought with money...most of us don't have it to do so. Health can't be maintained when emotions on are overload 24/7; love grows dim and dies as worries take root where love once had planted a seed...like a weed taking over the lawn and leaving nothing but devastation of the heart, soul and mind. Education, however, whether it gets you into Harvard or Stanford or not is not the point; education gives you power.

It is empowering to know that life holds no limits; that the exploration of the world, the earth, your back yard holds no limits; that with education you know the value of a life...human, animal, plant. With knowledge comes the realization of what matters and it is not material things I can assure you. So do I, as a mom, want to see my child at a podium giving a valedictorian speech during Harvard's graduation because of the the school s/he is graduating from or would the fact that any podium s/he stands behind to give that speech would be just as rewarding? I believe the latter would hold true...it's not the institution, but what was instilled in my child's own self-will that got him/her to that podium.

As the world has watch Chile bring miner after miner out from under the earth with unwavering faith and perseverance, it has been done so by educated men and women combining their wills and their strengths to see each life saved. Was their pursuit in saving these lives for recognition, fame? Maybe for some, but I sincerely believe the miracles we are watching in Chile are due to individuals who have used their various levels of education and faith to prove to the world the the "last frontier" is saving humanity and showing humaneness. Maybe an educated world would see the value in life rather than the value in a dollar.

When to stop worrying...

Is there ever a time when you stop worrying? From one's children, to extended family, friends, finances...does it ever stop? I was listening to a web broadcast by Rick Hanson who has written a book titled Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom. It is a book I have not read, but intend to because as I hear more and more of this gentleman's words the more I am convinced that your spirituality is one aspect of who you are, but your brain plays such an important role in the way we process life not to mention the emotions life encompasses.

So back to my original question, "is there ever a time when you stop worrying?" If you realize that our ancestor's brains were "wired" to "fight or flight" then you get an understanding of where present day man gets his worries. I often feel like I am "fighting" for everything (I do not mean, yelling, I mean working harder and harder, fighting to make life's ends meet). If I'm not "fighting" then I find myself in a "flight" mode... it's amazing the comfort I can find with my head under my sheets in bed hiding from the world even if it is only momentarily! Lord knows that with children, a husband, a dog not to mention a company, you can only hide under the sheets for so long!

I believe that the emotion of worrying is a worthless emotion. It hinders us from moving and acting and changing the things we are concerned about. Reminding myself that all is good and that all will work the way it is meant to work at least gives me the peace of mind to continue in my endeavors and "fights". I don't think as a parent one will ever stop being concerned about their child(ren)'s well-being, but to inhibit their lives and their growth whether emotional, physical or mental is a crime...well at least it should be a misdemeanor. Children need wings to fly and their flight should be a source of pride for us as parents; now that doesn't mean we shouldn't have "runway lights" on to help guide them. In terms of work, at the end of the day, did worrying "buy" me anything? I can assure you that it does not; it only prevents productiveness and continued perseverance towards one's goals.

If hindsight is 20/20, reflecting on past worries may be a good place to learn lessons from in that the answers we discover will more than likely be that the worries only led to more gray hairs, wrinkles, diminished quality of life and probably a shortening of one's life as well. God knows, I don't need more gray hairs, wrinkles, etc.

I would like to put "worrying" into perspective...it was an emotion our ancestors had to have to survive so that we could exist today. So don't just exist...LIVE and live well.

Passages...

Seems like forever since I last wrote, but as God is my witness I have reasons/excuses! Namely four children, five...if you count the dog, and SIX, if you count the husband. The latter, in my humble opinion, should actually count as more than one child...twins maybe? Anyways, I digress...

Most of those close to me know, I am a "bit" of a perfectionist..."bit" is in quotations because those close to me would argue, in court, that I had committed perjury and in so doing, must be punished! OK, so I'm a perfectionist...I can't help it! From my children, to my family, to my work, to my products, to my...you name it...it has to be just right. My mother complains, that I clean the house ever morning before leaving so that if robbers were to come they would find the neatness impressive and also have an easier time robbing me...how dare she ;-)! I keep my home clean because I am, what's that word? Oh, I hear all of you shouting "anal", but I was looking for a nicer word - seems to allude me right now!

Anyways, for the several weeks/months I have had to come to the humble conclusion that my children no longer want me to homeschool them. They told me so point blank. I swallowed my pride and had to accept that I can not force my views on them or live vicariously through them. They are individuals with rights, mindsets, self-developed senses of wisdom and justice...my role here is one of guidance. I think it hit "home" most when they all, almost in unison said, they wanted me as their mommy and not as their teacher. I was literally brought to tears...had I not been their mother all this time?

After weeks of what seemed like endless phone calls, paper trails to be followed and filled out, petitioning and driving, a chapter was completed with a new one to be written - our children were moving forward into what I prayed would be situations that would help them grow and feel complete in environments that were healthier for them and with starts that gave them renewed energy to succeed and assimilate. I may no longer be their teacher, but I am feeling so comfortable with the direction they are heading.

All the children got into the schools I had hoped they would get into. With school due to start on Tuesday of this upcoming week, I am both anxious and overwhelmed, but happy for the children because they are happy with the outcome. I won't lie and say, I wish I had succeeded in my original homeschooling goals or that to see them embark on this endeavor, I feel some (a lot) of sadness, but I assure myself that I will be a better mom for them, as per their request, and that they in turn will grow from all our shared experiences as well.

So why do I write tonight? I write because I am thinking about the "rights of passages"....who defines them? why do they exist? and where will my children be in a year, 5 years, 10, etc....
No one knows, but one thing is for certain, in my mind, there are no "rights of passage" only paths to be explored, made and embarked upon.

My role was never to have my children, dog or husband, follow down my path/passage...only to act as a guide and enabler. Who knows, maybe someone else will take the lead and allow me to follow! I sincerely look forward to that day...with all this "hiking and leading", my feet are really starting to ache ;-)!

"I want to be a billionaire..."

I am sure that if you have children, you have heard this song to the point where you are singing this song in your REM sleep mode; even if you don't have children, you have probably heard this song to the point that you have each and every word memorized.

Anyways...

Why start a blog entry with this title? I found myself humming this song and had to stop and think...what the heck am I doing that for?! Maybe it had to do with the fact that I was doing laundry and cleaning, but I wish there was a song more spiritual or down to earth that would be so deeply memorized by my brain than that particular song. Then I started thinking about it, as is my way, analyzing the song, me, my children, society as a whole, etc...

So what conclusion did I come to? In these hard times, everyone is praying for a miracle. I know I'm guilty of buying a lottery ticket praying all the while that it will be a winner. But is money the solution to happiness? Sure it buys comfort, objects of desire, but does it buy peace? family security and unity? So I asked myself, why are you singing this song?

Well, it does have a beat one can move to - benefit to that is exercise. For me, the other benefit, is to define what or why do I want to be a "billionaire". I went through the gamut of benefits from siding being repaired that is rapidly deteriorating to reupholstering furniture that either my children or the dog have had "accidents" on to paying of business loans not to mention credit cards, but then a light went off somewhere in these thoughts...

If I or someone I love were to not be here tomorrow, for whatever reason, would siding matter? would furniture matter? clothes? jewels? I heard a resounding NO in my head!

Thank God for the roof over our heads, the health of our children, loved ones, friends; thank God for furniture to sit on and for the food that we can nourish our bodies with. In essence, I am a "billionaire", I just need to remind myself of that.

My prayer is for the world to have such blessings; I pray your lives are filled with billions of reasons to be grateful...and as for the song, sing and dance to it for the shear fun of it...it does have a "catchy" beat...and by the way, who wouldn't want to be on the cover of "Forbes magazine sitting next to Oprah and the Queen" - only problem, what would I wear?! Guess I'll cross that bridge when I need to even if it is only in my dreams ;-)!

Nest

So tonight, after what seems like months, I went out with the "ladies"... "girls night out" if you will. The birthday girl had chosen a restaurant named Nest. The company was delightful and the food was wonderful as was the ambiance, but I kept reflecting on the name.

What would prompt three male owners to name their restaurant this...Nest? Whatever their reasons may have been, I formulated my own. An environment that felt peaceful especially when combined with the company of friends. I felt like I was in a nest waiting to hatch in this warm place - that place deep within each of us. Was it the food? the service? the company that I was with? Probably all contributed to that feeling of warmth; wanting to "hatch" - to talk, to share, to grow - in an environment that felt soothing. Maybe it was seeing friends after awhile and just letting down "one's hair". In any regard, it was a night that felt safe and right.

Friendships with depth are hard to come by; friendships where one can share life's ups and downs and yet feel safe are also hard to achieve, but if you are fortunate, you encounter those rare exceptions and in a "nest" you can feel the warmth and "hatch" freely. The "scary" part is leaving that nest and facing ones realities - flying as it were.

Here's to being nurtured and loved in a nest and knowing that you are free to fly at your own pace and when you are ready. Here's to hoping that the three men that named their restaurant were thinking the same things I was...is that possible, for men to have that depth of expression and thought? I can only hope so.

Going to bed with the imagery of what I hope everyone can feel - security, peace, and openness in an enclosed and safe environment. A home where the walls encompass peace and warmth; where the "eggs"/humans within can grow. Going to bed with the hope that every home is a nest even though I know reality bodes otherwise.

If birds can so willingly and consciously not to mention without thought or malice build such secure homes...why can't humanity? My hope is that we can...simple, strong, secure nests to house hearts, minds and souls. A wondrous thought to envision and pray for....

Rock Bottom

I was listening to a commencement speech that a friend forwarded to me that JK Rowling's (the author of Harry Potter) had made at the 2008 Harvard University graduation. She entitled the speech, the "Fringe Benefits of Failure." I laughed and cried - more of the latter, I hate to admit. Her speech was inspiring to me on so many levels, I have to admit that one of my favorite and inspirational lines that she spoke was that "rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."

It is my favorite because too often we view "rock bottom" as a place to wallow, feel self-pity and also a place we just decide to stay. God knows I viewed it as such... but to change my perspective on this very poignant imagery "rock bottom", to view it as a solid foundation to rebuild ones life is so inspirational. In essence, there is no "rock bottom"; the earth supports us metaphorically and literally. What an eye opening thought!

"Stripping the inessential" as Rowling's said, also resonated with me. If you just look at the words - take away or rather, throw away, all that is unimportant to what life is truly all about. To pursue, seek and search ones inner quest and to not be afraid of failure because the earth supports us is such an empowering thought.

She continues to say that some failure in life is inevitable and that if you live so cautiously that you do not fail then you are truly not living - "in which case, you [have] failed by default". I repeated that part of her speech over and over again before moving on. I believe she wasn't implying that we should fail, but that taking risks is what life is about. To live, to take chances, to see the world for its possibilities, to not be burdened or inhibited by others views/expectations - I believe that is what she meant by "failure" in that particular part of her speech.

Why quote or even write about this speech that took place over two years ago? Well, first of all, it was just brought to my attention; but second, and most importantly, as I struggle with my day to day "failures" and view them as something horrific or tragic, I am prompted to try and see it in a different light. I have replayed this speech over what seems like a million times... I am inspired to view "rock bottom" as planet earth/God/mother earth/nature... you choose your own definition, as my foundation not my grave. That my "failures" were meant to happen... how else can I move forward? How else can I touch another person or spark another individual's imagination (which, by the way, is the second "lesson" she inspired her listeners to seek in her speech) ... even if that individual may only be my four year old?!

www.ted.com/talks/jk_rowling_the_fringe_benefits_of_failure.html

I am including the url for you to decide for yourself. I write to encourage myself and those who may read what I write; to view life differently as I try to myself. I may have to "dig" (forgive me on my metaphorical analogies) a little deeper to see a little further, but I don't fear that and pray you don't either.

Human Race

Have you ever questioned the little boxes that we check that say what nationality we are? Caucasian? African-American? etc...

Why is it that we are defined by where or within what skin color we are born in? Why is it that "race" is a question? I have been pondering this for a while now... why is it that we are not just one race? The "human race"? Wouldn't that make more sense?

The more we differentiate one another with these definitions are we not just causing more differentiation among one another? I believe so. As I talk to my children, I find myself saying more and more that that "person" is just human and part of the human race not black, white, Asian or otherwise. I want my children to see no color; no religion; no difference.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to just check one box on all the forms we are obligated to fill? Check the box that just says "human race"; and then to work on what humanity's definition should be - humanity, the world, should view itself as one; with one cause - the survival of all...the earth, the people that occupy this earth, and the nature that sustains us all.

Such an ideal dream, but I fear we are so far from seeing this dream. It makes me ponder, even sad, as I work to teach my children one thing and see the world fight to maintain their different ethnic differentiations. If, and only if, we could see that the earth houses all of us and that we are all are equal...what a thought! Radical? Maybe...but I don't think so...or am I just being an idealist?

Believe

How often have we heard to believe? Project positive energy into the world...it will be reciprocated? Karma? I know that I believe, but to what end and how far? I guess the answer lies within each of us. As I write tonight, I want to say "believe like there is no end; as if today is all we have and to be present is all we need to do." I am writing tonight, with a prayer in mind, I believe that there is a greater good and a greater Being guiding us/me. So as patience seems to be ending find the "well" within yourself to dig deeper and to continue believing.

That's it...find that "well" within yourself that holds the truth; that believes. Be the one that notices the tree without defining it as one....meaning define no one or no thing... exist and embrace.

With this simple word "Namaste" meaning "I see the light within you"... see the light within yourself and others. Live.

Manuals for Life

In raising children, I have found that there is so much I do not know...they never came with manuals and we, as parents, do the best we can; but sometimes that doesn't seem like it's fair. Let me explain. Almost everything we purchase or acquire comes with a manual to help guide us and if it doesn't then the purchase or acquisition must be self-evident in its usage. Children however are all so different and no matter how many books you read...well, you will probably not get all the answers or possible guidance you may need.

As infants, I knew to change diapers, nurse them, comfort them, clothe them...my breast (not as firm as they should be are from pregnancy weight gains and losses to breast feeding for long periods of times; my inventions are products developed out of my own necessities) and my gray hairs are sure tell signs of the challenges I as a parent (and I KNOW I am not alone) have faced, overcome and felt rewarded when the outcome has been what I had hoped for; but now as the children are respectively 12, 10, 7 and 4...I sure could use a manual for each of them.

Maybe it's not a manual we, as parents, need; maybe it's a community of us that communicate and share our experiences, wants, solutions to problems we all probably share. The only thing I know is that tonight as I post this entry, I have tucked four precious beings into bed thinking about the day we shared. The 12 year old, I swear is already in her teens...I just miscalculated her year of birth. The 10 year old, is going to give me a serious case of "reptile-itis"...I think he knows every species there is and if I would allow it, they would all be in my home. We had to go through a mini "prayer service" for a snake that had accidentally been run over by a car. You should have seen my son's sadness and mine as well at his grief. We forget how innocent their hearts and minds are. The 7 year old needs a serious retraining program...that child has literally climbed up every wall and furniture we own and I am awe at his endurance...but still can't help but look at all the hand and footprints I see in the strangest of places; seriously, hand and footprints near the ceiling in my hallway. And let's not forget the 4 year old, I think she's going into her teen years as well and again, I have miscalculated her year of birth. Either that or whoever said "terrible twos" was seriously mentally handicapped...did he or she not experience the ages of 3 and 4. Well let me tell you, that person needs to do his/her research over again!

But in having said/complained all this...would I change a thing? A hair on their heads? NEVER!

Children are blessings. I do wish, however, they came with manuals and above all, I pray they don't kill me before my time!

"Love them, nurture them, remember always that they are just children and be patient; they have to grow up sometime - right?!" - a quote I say to myself every day!''

Boys vs Girls

"Toads, frogs, snakes...Oh My!" I know, the song doesn't really go that way, but today I was watching my children...mind you, I have 2 boys and 2 girls and for about an hour, you would not have known the difference. We live in a wooded area with lots of toads, frogs, snakes, geckos, etc. With all the rain we have had of late, all these lovely creatures are coming out in large numbers and my children are in heaven. Today, however, as I watched them play...I couldn't tell them apart and I don't mean that I could tell them apart physically; I mean, I could not tell them apart by their level of interest.

Awhile back, I swore, I would not get skirmish over snakes and lizards, etc. I did not want to raise fearful children...although, I can't help but admit that my skin would "crawl" and I would spend an hour in the shower cleansing myself. Today, I welcome the creatures wherever the children want to place them on me...in my hands, lap, hair. I have found that these fair creatures are of amazing interest and I am thrilled to see the children cradle them with care and curiosity. Always, however, knowing that mom's rule is that you never keep them from their natural habitat. Enjoy them, pet them, love them...but let them go.

So as I sat today, I was thinking, nostagically of course, that just as my children play and nurture the creatures they have found then release them to be free...so too do I, as a parent, do that for them. Nurture, love, grow and then finally let them go!

The difference between animal life and human life is so nominal when put into such a simplistic perspective!