Believe

How often have we heard to believe? Project positive energy into the world...it will be reciprocated? Karma? I know that I believe, but to what end and how far? I guess the answer lies within each of us. As I write tonight, I want to say "believe like there is no end; as if today is all we have and to be present is all we need to do." I am writing tonight, with a prayer in mind, I believe that there is a greater good and a greater Being guiding us/me. So as patience seems to be ending find the "well" within yourself to dig deeper and to continue believing.

That's it...find that "well" within yourself that holds the truth; that believes. Be the one that notices the tree without defining it as one....meaning define no one or no thing... exist and embrace.

With this simple word "Namaste" meaning "I see the light within you"... see the light within yourself and others. Live.

Manuals for Life

In raising children, I have found that there is so much I do not know...they never came with manuals and we, as parents, do the best we can; but sometimes that doesn't seem like it's fair. Let me explain. Almost everything we purchase or acquire comes with a manual to help guide us and if it doesn't then the purchase or acquisition must be self-evident in its usage. Children however are all so different and no matter how many books you read...well, you will probably not get all the answers or possible guidance you may need.

As infants, I knew to change diapers, nurse them, comfort them, clothe them...my breast (not as firm as they should be are from pregnancy weight gains and losses to breast feeding for long periods of times; my inventions are products developed out of my own necessities) and my gray hairs are sure tell signs of the challenges I as a parent (and I KNOW I am not alone) have faced, overcome and felt rewarded when the outcome has been what I had hoped for; but now as the children are respectively 12, 10, 7 and 4...I sure could use a manual for each of them.

Maybe it's not a manual we, as parents, need; maybe it's a community of us that communicate and share our experiences, wants, solutions to problems we all probably share. The only thing I know is that tonight as I post this entry, I have tucked four precious beings into bed thinking about the day we shared. The 12 year old, I swear is already in her teens...I just miscalculated her year of birth. The 10 year old, is going to give me a serious case of "reptile-itis"...I think he knows every species there is and if I would allow it, they would all be in my home. We had to go through a mini "prayer service" for a snake that had accidentally been run over by a car. You should have seen my son's sadness and mine as well at his grief. We forget how innocent their hearts and minds are. The 7 year old needs a serious retraining program...that child has literally climbed up every wall and furniture we own and I am awe at his endurance...but still can't help but look at all the hand and footprints I see in the strangest of places; seriously, hand and footprints near the ceiling in my hallway. And let's not forget the 4 year old, I think she's going into her teen years as well and again, I have miscalculated her year of birth. Either that or whoever said "terrible twos" was seriously mentally handicapped...did he or she not experience the ages of 3 and 4. Well let me tell you, that person needs to do his/her research over again!

But in having said/complained all this...would I change a thing? A hair on their heads? NEVER!

Children are blessings. I do wish, however, they came with manuals and above all, I pray they don't kill me before my time!

"Love them, nurture them, remember always that they are just children and be patient; they have to grow up sometime - right?!" - a quote I say to myself every day!''

Boys vs Girls

"Toads, frogs, snakes...Oh My!" I know, the song doesn't really go that way, but today I was watching my children...mind you, I have 2 boys and 2 girls and for about an hour, you would not have known the difference. We live in a wooded area with lots of toads, frogs, snakes, geckos, etc. With all the rain we have had of late, all these lovely creatures are coming out in large numbers and my children are in heaven. Today, however, as I watched them play...I couldn't tell them apart and I don't mean that I could tell them apart physically; I mean, I could not tell them apart by their level of interest.

Awhile back, I swore, I would not get skirmish over snakes and lizards, etc. I did not want to raise fearful children...although, I can't help but admit that my skin would "crawl" and I would spend an hour in the shower cleansing myself. Today, I welcome the creatures wherever the children want to place them on me...in my hands, lap, hair. I have found that these fair creatures are of amazing interest and I am thrilled to see the children cradle them with care and curiosity. Always, however, knowing that mom's rule is that you never keep them from their natural habitat. Enjoy them, pet them, love them...but let them go.

So as I sat today, I was thinking, nostagically of course, that just as my children play and nurture the creatures they have found then release them to be free...so too do I, as a parent, do that for them. Nurture, love, grow and then finally let them go!

The difference between animal life and human life is so nominal when put into such a simplistic perspective!

Miss Me?

It's been at least two weeks since my last post and not because I haven't wanted to write, but ever felt debilitated by your circumstances. I am not talking necessarily bad situations...

I took a "little" trip with my children (no husband - who would have been considered one of my children as well so thank God he wasn't along because 4 was all I could handle) to France. A sort of "let's explore and learn" homeschooling sort of trip. Well, my expectations and my reality were two very VERY different things. What did I learn? Not to expect and to still appreciate what I learned!

The children explored the countryside and enjoyed themselves and my efforts in trying to show them more was only thwarted by their lack of desire. I had to put my desires aside and just "go with the flow." Not a natural feeling for a perfectionist and in essence a wonderful thing to learn and try to overcome. I have to admit that no internet connectivity drove me over the edge and then some!

On the other hand, no internet connectivity taught me to slow down, watch the children, absorb my surroundings and feel where I was. The experiencing of the now to the nth degree. No planning per say, but the sheer "well, what shall we do today!" I learned to practice my broken French and yet be understood; I learned to jump into cold water and play with the children; I enjoyed French wine and cheeses that left me wishing for more.

You know why the French stay so alive? They live, they taste - not just food, wine, etc...they taste life to the fullest! A lesson so worth learning!

Well dear readers, as few or as many as you may be...I missed you. I missed sharing my thoughts and heart with you! But let me end on this note...live and live well; take the time to savor your food, your drinks, your children, your loved ones...your life! The French do! On the flip side, if you choose to drive in France, fully insure yourself against all and any potential accidents! I have never been beeped at as much as I was there...and it wasn't because I looked "good" behind the wheel - it was because I couldn't keep up and they had no patience for my cautiousness. They threw care to the wind and let it blow through their hairs! Last few days there, I learned to do the same. You know what? It felt GREAT!

On that note...joie de vivre (joy of living; enjoyment of life; ebullience)!

Losses

A while back, a woman who I got to know because she carried our products, gave birth to a son who had not survived; he had died within her womb. She gave birth to him...waiting for the contractions to begin must have been such a torment; knowing that you would undergo such pain to deliver a child that would not be held forever in your arms.

Further back than that, a treasured friend, had lost a son. He was healthy and for no reason or lets say for misdiagnosis of his illness, he lost his life. Surrounded by his family as they held and mourned him, they said their good-byes.

Several years ago, I gave birth to a son at close to seven months pregnancy. He had died within my womb. I remember thinking, I can't do this. I can't give birth to a child I will never own, raise, love, nurture. But what choice did I have...I gave birth and could only wonder as to why such a painful loss would have occurred.

These are just a few examples. Women undergo such pains often...if it is not a loss then it is in raising a child with a disability or with a matters of concern. Mothers are forever burdened to care and to worry. Maybe "burdened" is too strong a word, but we are the ones who carry those infants in our wombs or struggle for years to adopt a child of our own or even to undergo painful "in vitro" procedures just for the possibility of having a child; we are the ones who give them life and if something should happen, we carry the burden of that loss tenfold.

I, through time, have learned that every loss has a purpose... I just haven't figured that purpose out yet. Tonight as I write, I write because a friend is remembering the loss of her son. My heart aches for her as it does for any other women/persons who are feeling that hole within their heart... irreparable, but most definitely purposeful. We learn that the purpose of life is not acquiring wealth or status. It isn't about small worries or "split milk"... it is about loving enduringly and with a purpose. It is about living with a cause and acting with compassion.

Tonight, I write to say - believe, flourish, love, believe and take the losses life has thrown your way as a means to nurture that which you have and that which you hope to attain; love unconditionally and know that tomorrow is not a given... it is only a possibility!

Birth Certificates

I have been getting emails left and right from treasured friends about their children's impending graduations whether from middle school or high school or college. I swear...they all have dementia because the last time I looked at my birth certificate it said that I was 25 years old. That, technically, means that my friends children can not be graduating from middle school, high school or even college!

All kidding aside, congratulations to all those precious children who have moved up and congratulations to all the parents who got them to where they are today! I guess the lesson learned is that time stops for no one and even those youths who feel so excited about the steps forward they are taking....well, they need to step back and realize that walking to fast only gets you older not wiser.

Well, I'll stick to whatever my birth certificate says, but in the meantime, my hope is that all of us parents, guardians, and loved ones realize that the role we play is quite crucial especially if you consider how quickly time flies. We have this very brief period to set a foundation that hopefully our children can build their lives upon...one block set off center may lead to the entire tower falling down. Think, listen, learn...from others, your children, and your heart.

Facebook

In this past week of absence, I have so much happen. Homeschooling deadlines for the state and to be honest, deadlines I had set for myself; children with slight colds....funny how with each child a "cold" takes on a different definition. With the first, it has to be pneumonia; with the second, it has to be bronchitis; with the third, it is a terrible cold; and with the fourth, well, it's a slight "cold". Funny how you become more relaxed with the passage of time and with each child.

Another example would be, the first child better be potty trained, walking, talking and reading by two; the second, better being doing all the above, but since he is a boy we will give him until three; the third, child, well, he gets a little more leeway since I'm sure he'll get it from his older siblings; and the fourth, well, she better get is ALL on her own because Lord knows, I don't have time to teach her!

Why talk about all this now...well, this week, I have had the privilege of getting acquainted with something most of you know quite well...Facebook. It has been an exciting adventure trying to catch up with old friends, but I have admitted to all and to you my readers that I am so not savvy with the whole thing. For example, what do all the little symbols mean? When it says "share" does that mean just with who I'm talking to or the whole world? As I said to one girlfriend of mine, either Facebook has way to many buttons/symbols/options or I have way too little brain cells left to figure it all out! I think the latter is probably more the case!

At 44, I find myself more comfortable with tangible things that I can hold, read, decipher and put together...like a puzzle. Now I find myself in a world where I have to look up every acronym people are using like LOL, BFF, or LMAO...when did the English language get so complicated or should I say, when did we decide that it was alright to abbreviate our thoughts in such a manner. Doesn't matter, I am of the philosophy that I better learn and go with the flow or I'll be left behind.

The other day, my daughter made a gesture to me. The only finger gesture I knew was a raised middle finger, but this was something so different that I didn't know to take offense or to humbly ask her what she meant; I knew it wasn't good either way. The gesture she made was putting up three fingers that made the letter "W" then she turned those same three fingers sideways to form an "E"... came to learn that means "Whatever!" Go figure, kids don't even have to swear anymore...they can use finger gestures that are completely unfamiliar to their parents or acronyms that leave you going "huh"! I'm too proud to ask, so I'll get on my computer and research it to the nth degree so that I don't give her or any of the others the upper hand!

In a way, it is funny...I remember doing things or saying things to my parents that made them say "huh", but of course they weren't fluent in English so it was easier, but still... what you "sow is what you'll eventually reap!"

So back to Facebook, what a wonderful way to keep in touch, but if I may, and I beg everyone's forgiveness for I know I will anger many or at least many will think that I am "backwards" in my thoughts...but whatever happened to picking up the phone to chat? or writing a letter? I have to admit, I miss those simpler gestures.

To each his own, I guess...but I beg my friends some patience as I learn the nuances of this new technology called Facebook.