Education...and more

As I expressed my frustrations with my cousin tonight about my children being so dependent on me for completing their homework, that her simple comment back was...let them face the consequence of their actions or inactions. "How can I? They will get a bad grade?" In my mind, I was thinking, "they won't get into Harvard, Stanford..." Her truthful response (I am paraphrasing of course) was that fail now and learn rather than fail later when no one can "save" them. I won't be around forever, but often I think I push so hard for things in life because I want more for my children and even for others than I had for myself. I believe education is the "last frontier" so to speak. Meaning, everything in life nowadays can't be bought with money...most of us don't have it to do so. Health can't be maintained when emotions on are overload 24/7; love grows dim and dies as worries take root where love once had planted a seed...like a weed taking over the lawn and leaving nothing but devastation of the heart, soul and mind. Education, however, whether it gets you into Harvard or Stanford or not is not the point; education gives you power.

It is empowering to know that life holds no limits; that the exploration of the world, the earth, your back yard holds no limits; that with education you know the value of a life...human, animal, plant. With knowledge comes the realization of what matters and it is not material things I can assure you. So do I, as a mom, want to see my child at a podium giving a valedictorian speech during Harvard's graduation because of the the school s/he is graduating from or would the fact that any podium s/he stands behind to give that speech would be just as rewarding? I believe the latter would hold true...it's not the institution, but what was instilled in my child's own self-will that got him/her to that podium.

As the world has watch Chile bring miner after miner out from under the earth with unwavering faith and perseverance, it has been done so by educated men and women combining their wills and their strengths to see each life saved. Was their pursuit in saving these lives for recognition, fame? Maybe for some, but I sincerely believe the miracles we are watching in Chile are due to individuals who have used their various levels of education and faith to prove to the world the the "last frontier" is saving humanity and showing humaneness. Maybe an educated world would see the value in life rather than the value in a dollar.

When to stop worrying...

Is there ever a time when you stop worrying? From one's children, to extended family, friends, finances...does it ever stop? I was listening to a web broadcast by Rick Hanson who has written a book titled Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom. It is a book I have not read, but intend to because as I hear more and more of this gentleman's words the more I am convinced that your spirituality is one aspect of who you are, but your brain plays such an important role in the way we process life not to mention the emotions life encompasses.

So back to my original question, "is there ever a time when you stop worrying?" If you realize that our ancestor's brains were "wired" to "fight or flight" then you get an understanding of where present day man gets his worries. I often feel like I am "fighting" for everything (I do not mean, yelling, I mean working harder and harder, fighting to make life's ends meet). If I'm not "fighting" then I find myself in a "flight" mode... it's amazing the comfort I can find with my head under my sheets in bed hiding from the world even if it is only momentarily! Lord knows that with children, a husband, a dog not to mention a company, you can only hide under the sheets for so long!

I believe that the emotion of worrying is a worthless emotion. It hinders us from moving and acting and changing the things we are concerned about. Reminding myself that all is good and that all will work the way it is meant to work at least gives me the peace of mind to continue in my endeavors and "fights". I don't think as a parent one will ever stop being concerned about their child(ren)'s well-being, but to inhibit their lives and their growth whether emotional, physical or mental is a crime...well at least it should be a misdemeanor. Children need wings to fly and their flight should be a source of pride for us as parents; now that doesn't mean we shouldn't have "runway lights" on to help guide them. In terms of work, at the end of the day, did worrying "buy" me anything? I can assure you that it does not; it only prevents productiveness and continued perseverance towards one's goals.

If hindsight is 20/20, reflecting on past worries may be a good place to learn lessons from in that the answers we discover will more than likely be that the worries only led to more gray hairs, wrinkles, diminished quality of life and probably a shortening of one's life as well. God knows, I don't need more gray hairs, wrinkles, etc.

I would like to put "worrying" into perspective...it was an emotion our ancestors had to have to survive so that we could exist today. So don't just exist...LIVE and live well.

Passages...

Seems like forever since I last wrote, but as God is my witness I have reasons/excuses! Namely four children, five...if you count the dog, and SIX, if you count the husband. The latter, in my humble opinion, should actually count as more than one child...twins maybe? Anyways, I digress...

Most of those close to me know, I am a "bit" of a perfectionist..."bit" is in quotations because those close to me would argue, in court, that I had committed perjury and in so doing, must be punished! OK, so I'm a perfectionist...I can't help it! From my children, to my family, to my work, to my products, to my...you name it...it has to be just right. My mother complains, that I clean the house ever morning before leaving so that if robbers were to come they would find the neatness impressive and also have an easier time robbing me...how dare she ;-)! I keep my home clean because I am, what's that word? Oh, I hear all of you shouting "anal", but I was looking for a nicer word - seems to allude me right now!

Anyways, for the several weeks/months I have had to come to the humble conclusion that my children no longer want me to homeschool them. They told me so point blank. I swallowed my pride and had to accept that I can not force my views on them or live vicariously through them. They are individuals with rights, mindsets, self-developed senses of wisdom and justice...my role here is one of guidance. I think it hit "home" most when they all, almost in unison said, they wanted me as their mommy and not as their teacher. I was literally brought to tears...had I not been their mother all this time?

After weeks of what seemed like endless phone calls, paper trails to be followed and filled out, petitioning and driving, a chapter was completed with a new one to be written - our children were moving forward into what I prayed would be situations that would help them grow and feel complete in environments that were healthier for them and with starts that gave them renewed energy to succeed and assimilate. I may no longer be their teacher, but I am feeling so comfortable with the direction they are heading.

All the children got into the schools I had hoped they would get into. With school due to start on Tuesday of this upcoming week, I am both anxious and overwhelmed, but happy for the children because they are happy with the outcome. I won't lie and say, I wish I had succeeded in my original homeschooling goals or that to see them embark on this endeavor, I feel some (a lot) of sadness, but I assure myself that I will be a better mom for them, as per their request, and that they in turn will grow from all our shared experiences as well.

So why do I write tonight? I write because I am thinking about the "rights of passages"....who defines them? why do they exist? and where will my children be in a year, 5 years, 10, etc....
No one knows, but one thing is for certain, in my mind, there are no "rights of passage" only paths to be explored, made and embarked upon.

My role was never to have my children, dog or husband, follow down my path/passage...only to act as a guide and enabler. Who knows, maybe someone else will take the lead and allow me to follow! I sincerely look forward to that day...with all this "hiking and leading", my feet are really starting to ache ;-)!

"I want to be a billionaire..."

I am sure that if you have children, you have heard this song to the point where you are singing this song in your REM sleep mode; even if you don't have children, you have probably heard this song to the point that you have each and every word memorized.

Anyways...

Why start a blog entry with this title? I found myself humming this song and had to stop and think...what the heck am I doing that for?! Maybe it had to do with the fact that I was doing laundry and cleaning, but I wish there was a song more spiritual or down to earth that would be so deeply memorized by my brain than that particular song. Then I started thinking about it, as is my way, analyzing the song, me, my children, society as a whole, etc...

So what conclusion did I come to? In these hard times, everyone is praying for a miracle. I know I'm guilty of buying a lottery ticket praying all the while that it will be a winner. But is money the solution to happiness? Sure it buys comfort, objects of desire, but does it buy peace? family security and unity? So I asked myself, why are you singing this song?

Well, it does have a beat one can move to - benefit to that is exercise. For me, the other benefit, is to define what or why do I want to be a "billionaire". I went through the gamut of benefits from siding being repaired that is rapidly deteriorating to reupholstering furniture that either my children or the dog have had "accidents" on to paying of business loans not to mention credit cards, but then a light went off somewhere in these thoughts...

If I or someone I love were to not be here tomorrow, for whatever reason, would siding matter? would furniture matter? clothes? jewels? I heard a resounding NO in my head!

Thank God for the roof over our heads, the health of our children, loved ones, friends; thank God for furniture to sit on and for the food that we can nourish our bodies with. In essence, I am a "billionaire", I just need to remind myself of that.

My prayer is for the world to have such blessings; I pray your lives are filled with billions of reasons to be grateful...and as for the song, sing and dance to it for the shear fun of it...it does have a "catchy" beat...and by the way, who wouldn't want to be on the cover of "Forbes magazine sitting next to Oprah and the Queen" - only problem, what would I wear?! Guess I'll cross that bridge when I need to even if it is only in my dreams ;-)!

Nest

So tonight, after what seems like months, I went out with the "ladies"... "girls night out" if you will. The birthday girl had chosen a restaurant named Nest. The company was delightful and the food was wonderful as was the ambiance, but I kept reflecting on the name.

What would prompt three male owners to name their restaurant this...Nest? Whatever their reasons may have been, I formulated my own. An environment that felt peaceful especially when combined with the company of friends. I felt like I was in a nest waiting to hatch in this warm place - that place deep within each of us. Was it the food? the service? the company that I was with? Probably all contributed to that feeling of warmth; wanting to "hatch" - to talk, to share, to grow - in an environment that felt soothing. Maybe it was seeing friends after awhile and just letting down "one's hair". In any regard, it was a night that felt safe and right.

Friendships with depth are hard to come by; friendships where one can share life's ups and downs and yet feel safe are also hard to achieve, but if you are fortunate, you encounter those rare exceptions and in a "nest" you can feel the warmth and "hatch" freely. The "scary" part is leaving that nest and facing ones realities - flying as it were.

Here's to being nurtured and loved in a nest and knowing that you are free to fly at your own pace and when you are ready. Here's to hoping that the three men that named their restaurant were thinking the same things I was...is that possible, for men to have that depth of expression and thought? I can only hope so.

Going to bed with the imagery of what I hope everyone can feel - security, peace, and openness in an enclosed and safe environment. A home where the walls encompass peace and warmth; where the "eggs"/humans within can grow. Going to bed with the hope that every home is a nest even though I know reality bodes otherwise.

If birds can so willingly and consciously not to mention without thought or malice build such secure homes...why can't humanity? My hope is that we can...simple, strong, secure nests to house hearts, minds and souls. A wondrous thought to envision and pray for....

Rock Bottom

I was listening to a commencement speech that a friend forwarded to me that JK Rowling's (the author of Harry Potter) had made at the 2008 Harvard University graduation. She entitled the speech, the "Fringe Benefits of Failure." I laughed and cried - more of the latter, I hate to admit. Her speech was inspiring to me on so many levels, I have to admit that one of my favorite and inspirational lines that she spoke was that "rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."

It is my favorite because too often we view "rock bottom" as a place to wallow, feel self-pity and also a place we just decide to stay. God knows I viewed it as such... but to change my perspective on this very poignant imagery "rock bottom", to view it as a solid foundation to rebuild ones life is so inspirational. In essence, there is no "rock bottom"; the earth supports us metaphorically and literally. What an eye opening thought!

"Stripping the inessential" as Rowling's said, also resonated with me. If you just look at the words - take away or rather, throw away, all that is unimportant to what life is truly all about. To pursue, seek and search ones inner quest and to not be afraid of failure because the earth supports us is such an empowering thought.

She continues to say that some failure in life is inevitable and that if you live so cautiously that you do not fail then you are truly not living - "in which case, you [have] failed by default". I repeated that part of her speech over and over again before moving on. I believe she wasn't implying that we should fail, but that taking risks is what life is about. To live, to take chances, to see the world for its possibilities, to not be burdened or inhibited by others views/expectations - I believe that is what she meant by "failure" in that particular part of her speech.

Why quote or even write about this speech that took place over two years ago? Well, first of all, it was just brought to my attention; but second, and most importantly, as I struggle with my day to day "failures" and view them as something horrific or tragic, I am prompted to try and see it in a different light. I have replayed this speech over what seems like a million times... I am inspired to view "rock bottom" as planet earth/God/mother earth/nature... you choose your own definition, as my foundation not my grave. That my "failures" were meant to happen... how else can I move forward? How else can I touch another person or spark another individual's imagination (which, by the way, is the second "lesson" she inspired her listeners to seek in her speech) ... even if that individual may only be my four year old?!

www.ted.com/talks/jk_rowling_the_fringe_benefits_of_failure.html

I am including the url for you to decide for yourself. I write to encourage myself and those who may read what I write; to view life differently as I try to myself. I may have to "dig" (forgive me on my metaphorical analogies) a little deeper to see a little further, but I don't fear that and pray you don't either.

Human Race

Have you ever questioned the little boxes that we check that say what nationality we are? Caucasian? African-American? etc...

Why is it that we are defined by where or within what skin color we are born in? Why is it that "race" is a question? I have been pondering this for a while now... why is it that we are not just one race? The "human race"? Wouldn't that make more sense?

The more we differentiate one another with these definitions are we not just causing more differentiation among one another? I believe so. As I talk to my children, I find myself saying more and more that that "person" is just human and part of the human race not black, white, Asian or otherwise. I want my children to see no color; no religion; no difference.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to just check one box on all the forms we are obligated to fill? Check the box that just says "human race"; and then to work on what humanity's definition should be - humanity, the world, should view itself as one; with one cause - the survival of all...the earth, the people that occupy this earth, and the nature that sustains us all.

Such an ideal dream, but I fear we are so far from seeing this dream. It makes me ponder, even sad, as I work to teach my children one thing and see the world fight to maintain their different ethnic differentiations. If, and only if, we could see that the earth houses all of us and that we are all are equal...what a thought! Radical? Maybe...but I don't think so...or am I just being an idealist?