A Heart Shared

For days I have been mulling things in my head to write about....so much to say, but not sure that all is worthy of being said. Today, I heard from a friend, Alison. A high school friend whom I have not spoken to in years. To say I am Facebook unsavvy would be putting it quite graciously, but that is how Alison reached out to me.

I am a firm believer that nothing is random. Today, as I was contemplating all that is and was, I get an email from her via Facebook, "Just wanted to let you know: back in high school you gave me a little silver heart pendant on a chain. I put it on a silk cord, and now my little daughter wears it all the time. And every time she does, I think of you! Hope good fortune follows you everywhere, Alison."

My immediate reaction was tears not born of sadness, but of remembrance; of a gift given and for the passage of time that would see that gift now worn by a friend's child. Where does time go? How do we spend it? share it? give it?

To know that a small token of friendship passes on to another generation is like knowing that life doesn't stop...it continues. Like friendships born of understanding and sharing; like love shared at various depths; like a future yet to be experienced but secured by the knowledge that our past has set a solid foundation for us to move forth...that is what I feel.

Thank you Alison for passing on a token of our friendship so that it may live on with your daughter and in our memories and hearts!

5 Lbs Sugar Jar

Several weeks ago, I was speaking to a buyer of a major company about our company's pregnancy pillow. She was honest and funny at the same time...telling me, "we carry only 3 pregnancy pillows; and there is only so much shelf space...you know what I mean. I mean you can only fit 5 lbs of sugar in a 5 lbs jar!" I laughed and said I understood very well; not neglecting to mention that The Utterly Yours Pregnancy Pillow is the smallest, most compact pillow that not only simultaneously supports your lower back and abdomen, but also is recommended by OB-GYNs!" A lot for a 5 lbs jar (in my humble opinion) and well worth her shelf space.

Well, as with anything business related or otherwise for that matter, you plant a seed and water it - hoping it will grow and come to fruition. The waiting is the hardest part especially when your mind and heart are fully devoted. So why title this entry, 5 lbs sugar jar?

I started asking myself a question a few days after my conversation with the buyer of that major company, "how much sugar can you fit in a 5 lbs jar?" Thinking of my body as that jar and recalling a story from many years past about a professor who stood behind his podium holding a jar filled to the brim with large stones. He asks his students, "is the jar full?" They unanimously say yes! He reaches under the podium and finds smaller rocks that he gently pours into the jar filling in the spaces between the stones. "Is the jar full now?" he asks his students and again, they say yes, but a little more hesitantly. He reaches under the podium and pulls out a bag of sand that he pours into the jar; again, filling small spaces. He turns to the class and asks the class, "is the jar NOW full?" The class is silent as if they knew there was more to come and there was...a cup of water. "Now," the professor stated, "the jar is full!"

It was a profound idea to me even back then because our perception of what we can do, what we can achieve, who we can be...they are all seemingly predefined by some unknown factors we have stored in our mental "file cabinets". The professor was trying to visually tell his students to question their predefined notions..."to leave no stone unturned" in essence.

So to hear this buyer talk about a jar of sugar, I knew what she meant about shelf space being limited, but in my mind I was thinking how much potential was in our package. Then that thought led to me searching my internal jar to see how full it was and how much more it could hold. There are days when the jar feels like it will burst and there are days when I am so warmed by thoughts that the "sugar" in this metaphorical jar (body) has melted to syrup and there is Oh, so SO much more room for more!

May everyone's jar be, first and foremost, filled with sugar, but may there also, always, be warmth in your hearts to turn that sugar to syrup and make room for more.

Mommy why...?

Ever been asked the question "mommy why...?" followed by anything from as simple as why the sky is blue to as complex as to why do we die? My four-year-olds questions are rather easy to answer. They usually have to do with colors, shapes, and letters. My eight-year-olds questions aren't so bad either; they usually pertain to tennis, math questions, playdates and his "why's" are usually why I have said "no". My twelve-year-olds questions used to be difficult, but now they are a bit easier; they usually pertain to make-up, clothes, friends and homework (have to admit that in the latter, I don't always have the answers...guess I'm not "smarter than a 7th grader")! It is the eleven-year-olds questions that have always thrown me into the depths of my soul searching for answers to not just appease him, but also set him at ease.

The other night, he could not sleep and asked if I would lay next to him. I knew it was "question/answer" time. He laid quietly for a moment and then asked, "mom, why to bad things happen to good people?" God, a question I have asked myself thousands of times and had yet to find the answer. What do I say? How do I ease his obvious sadness. In my silence, he went on to ask, "why do people have to die?" "How are you so sure that there is a God, a heaven?" OK...I was still spiraling from question number 1...now what do I say? I decided to say what I silently say to myself when these questions arise in my heart and mind.

I answered simply, "I believe in God because He has shown me comfort in moments of pain and in moments of happiness. I have never seen Him, but I believe he surrounds us. Your grandfather taught you that as well by saying his prayers daily and reassuring you of all that he had witnessed in life to prove that a greater force was guiding humanity." This, by the way, came from a man who had seen his share of many and unfortunate losses from one of his son's dying to his wife being hit by a car to siblings dying to surviving wars and hard financial times. Yet, he was steadfast in his beliefs and in God. He made certain to share that belief with all of us he loved and with those who would listen. Reminding my son about his grandfather managed to at least let him take a deep breath; remembering his grandfather seems to do that to all of us.

"So why do bad things happen to good people?" "I don't know son, but live a good life and be the best human being you can be so that when you rest your head on your pillow at night, you know that you lived well and treated those around you justly; wake up the next day with the objective to continue being true to yourself. Watch for signs of God in everything; open your heart to 'hearing' Him and you'd be surprised how often He'll answer." I went on to tell him that if we spend our time looking for the bad or only seeing the bad or not even attempting to right a wrong then we are living a life that is full of sorrow and that is not what life is supposed to be about. Being happy and sharing your happiness...now that's living! In my mind I was thinking that an eleven-year-old doesn't need to bear "the weight of the world".

As I left the bed with a son now fast asleep and seemingly at peace, I couldn't help think about something I had heard...a spoonful of salt in a cup of water would be very distasteful to drink, but a spoonful of salt in a gallon of water would be easier to drink. What does that mean to me/you... if you could put all the bad into a spoonful, but make the world a gallon of good...then the world would be a much more "tasteful" place to exist.

To say I am not apprehensive of what my son's next "mommy why..." question will be wouldn't be a truthful statement, but with each question and with each day's experiences, I am getting more adept at answering because I have learned to "hear" more with my heart.

Education...and more

As I expressed my frustrations with my cousin tonight about my children being so dependent on me for completing their homework, that her simple comment back was...let them face the consequence of their actions or inactions. "How can I? They will get a bad grade?" In my mind, I was thinking, "they won't get into Harvard, Stanford..." Her truthful response (I am paraphrasing of course) was that fail now and learn rather than fail later when no one can "save" them. I won't be around forever, but often I think I push so hard for things in life because I want more for my children and even for others than I had for myself. I believe education is the "last frontier" so to speak. Meaning, everything in life nowadays can't be bought with money...most of us don't have it to do so. Health can't be maintained when emotions on are overload 24/7; love grows dim and dies as worries take root where love once had planted a seed...like a weed taking over the lawn and leaving nothing but devastation of the heart, soul and mind. Education, however, whether it gets you into Harvard or Stanford or not is not the point; education gives you power.

It is empowering to know that life holds no limits; that the exploration of the world, the earth, your back yard holds no limits; that with education you know the value of a life...human, animal, plant. With knowledge comes the realization of what matters and it is not material things I can assure you. So do I, as a mom, want to see my child at a podium giving a valedictorian speech during Harvard's graduation because of the the school s/he is graduating from or would the fact that any podium s/he stands behind to give that speech would be just as rewarding? I believe the latter would hold true...it's not the institution, but what was instilled in my child's own self-will that got him/her to that podium.

As the world has watch Chile bring miner after miner out from under the earth with unwavering faith and perseverance, it has been done so by educated men and women combining their wills and their strengths to see each life saved. Was their pursuit in saving these lives for recognition, fame? Maybe for some, but I sincerely believe the miracles we are watching in Chile are due to individuals who have used their various levels of education and faith to prove to the world the the "last frontier" is saving humanity and showing humaneness. Maybe an educated world would see the value in life rather than the value in a dollar.

When to stop worrying...

Is there ever a time when you stop worrying? From one's children, to extended family, friends, finances...does it ever stop? I was listening to a web broadcast by Rick Hanson who has written a book titled Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom. It is a book I have not read, but intend to because as I hear more and more of this gentleman's words the more I am convinced that your spirituality is one aspect of who you are, but your brain plays such an important role in the way we process life not to mention the emotions life encompasses.

So back to my original question, "is there ever a time when you stop worrying?" If you realize that our ancestor's brains were "wired" to "fight or flight" then you get an understanding of where present day man gets his worries. I often feel like I am "fighting" for everything (I do not mean, yelling, I mean working harder and harder, fighting to make life's ends meet). If I'm not "fighting" then I find myself in a "flight" mode... it's amazing the comfort I can find with my head under my sheets in bed hiding from the world even if it is only momentarily! Lord knows that with children, a husband, a dog not to mention a company, you can only hide under the sheets for so long!

I believe that the emotion of worrying is a worthless emotion. It hinders us from moving and acting and changing the things we are concerned about. Reminding myself that all is good and that all will work the way it is meant to work at least gives me the peace of mind to continue in my endeavors and "fights". I don't think as a parent one will ever stop being concerned about their child(ren)'s well-being, but to inhibit their lives and their growth whether emotional, physical or mental is a crime...well at least it should be a misdemeanor. Children need wings to fly and their flight should be a source of pride for us as parents; now that doesn't mean we shouldn't have "runway lights" on to help guide them. In terms of work, at the end of the day, did worrying "buy" me anything? I can assure you that it does not; it only prevents productiveness and continued perseverance towards one's goals.

If hindsight is 20/20, reflecting on past worries may be a good place to learn lessons from in that the answers we discover will more than likely be that the worries only led to more gray hairs, wrinkles, diminished quality of life and probably a shortening of one's life as well. God knows, I don't need more gray hairs, wrinkles, etc.

I would like to put "worrying" into perspective...it was an emotion our ancestors had to have to survive so that we could exist today. So don't just exist...LIVE and live well.

Passages...

Seems like forever since I last wrote, but as God is my witness I have reasons/excuses! Namely four children, five...if you count the dog, and SIX, if you count the husband. The latter, in my humble opinion, should actually count as more than one child...twins maybe? Anyways, I digress...

Most of those close to me know, I am a "bit" of a perfectionist..."bit" is in quotations because those close to me would argue, in court, that I had committed perjury and in so doing, must be punished! OK, so I'm a perfectionist...I can't help it! From my children, to my family, to my work, to my products, to my...you name it...it has to be just right. My mother complains, that I clean the house ever morning before leaving so that if robbers were to come they would find the neatness impressive and also have an easier time robbing me...how dare she ;-)! I keep my home clean because I am, what's that word? Oh, I hear all of you shouting "anal", but I was looking for a nicer word - seems to allude me right now!

Anyways, for the several weeks/months I have had to come to the humble conclusion that my children no longer want me to homeschool them. They told me so point blank. I swallowed my pride and had to accept that I can not force my views on them or live vicariously through them. They are individuals with rights, mindsets, self-developed senses of wisdom and justice...my role here is one of guidance. I think it hit "home" most when they all, almost in unison said, they wanted me as their mommy and not as their teacher. I was literally brought to tears...had I not been their mother all this time?

After weeks of what seemed like endless phone calls, paper trails to be followed and filled out, petitioning and driving, a chapter was completed with a new one to be written - our children were moving forward into what I prayed would be situations that would help them grow and feel complete in environments that were healthier for them and with starts that gave them renewed energy to succeed and assimilate. I may no longer be their teacher, but I am feeling so comfortable with the direction they are heading.

All the children got into the schools I had hoped they would get into. With school due to start on Tuesday of this upcoming week, I am both anxious and overwhelmed, but happy for the children because they are happy with the outcome. I won't lie and say, I wish I had succeeded in my original homeschooling goals or that to see them embark on this endeavor, I feel some (a lot) of sadness, but I assure myself that I will be a better mom for them, as per their request, and that they in turn will grow from all our shared experiences as well.

So why do I write tonight? I write because I am thinking about the "rights of passages"....who defines them? why do they exist? and where will my children be in a year, 5 years, 10, etc....
No one knows, but one thing is for certain, in my mind, there are no "rights of passage" only paths to be explored, made and embarked upon.

My role was never to have my children, dog or husband, follow down my path/passage...only to act as a guide and enabler. Who knows, maybe someone else will take the lead and allow me to follow! I sincerely look forward to that day...with all this "hiking and leading", my feet are really starting to ache ;-)!

"I want to be a billionaire..."

I am sure that if you have children, you have heard this song to the point where you are singing this song in your REM sleep mode; even if you don't have children, you have probably heard this song to the point that you have each and every word memorized.

Anyways...

Why start a blog entry with this title? I found myself humming this song and had to stop and think...what the heck am I doing that for?! Maybe it had to do with the fact that I was doing laundry and cleaning, but I wish there was a song more spiritual or down to earth that would be so deeply memorized by my brain than that particular song. Then I started thinking about it, as is my way, analyzing the song, me, my children, society as a whole, etc...

So what conclusion did I come to? In these hard times, everyone is praying for a miracle. I know I'm guilty of buying a lottery ticket praying all the while that it will be a winner. But is money the solution to happiness? Sure it buys comfort, objects of desire, but does it buy peace? family security and unity? So I asked myself, why are you singing this song?

Well, it does have a beat one can move to - benefit to that is exercise. For me, the other benefit, is to define what or why do I want to be a "billionaire". I went through the gamut of benefits from siding being repaired that is rapidly deteriorating to reupholstering furniture that either my children or the dog have had "accidents" on to paying of business loans not to mention credit cards, but then a light went off somewhere in these thoughts...

If I or someone I love were to not be here tomorrow, for whatever reason, would siding matter? would furniture matter? clothes? jewels? I heard a resounding NO in my head!

Thank God for the roof over our heads, the health of our children, loved ones, friends; thank God for furniture to sit on and for the food that we can nourish our bodies with. In essence, I am a "billionaire", I just need to remind myself of that.

My prayer is for the world to have such blessings; I pray your lives are filled with billions of reasons to be grateful...and as for the song, sing and dance to it for the shear fun of it...it does have a "catchy" beat...and by the way, who wouldn't want to be on the cover of "Forbes magazine sitting next to Oprah and the Queen" - only problem, what would I wear?! Guess I'll cross that bridge when I need to even if it is only in my dreams ;-)!