"I want to be a billionaire..."

I am sure that if you have children, you have heard this song to the point where you are singing this song in your REM sleep mode; even if you don't have children, you have probably heard this song to the point that you have each and every word memorized.

Anyways...

Why start a blog entry with this title? I found myself humming this song and had to stop and think...what the heck am I doing that for?! Maybe it had to do with the fact that I was doing laundry and cleaning, but I wish there was a song more spiritual or down to earth that would be so deeply memorized by my brain than that particular song. Then I started thinking about it, as is my way, analyzing the song, me, my children, society as a whole, etc...

So what conclusion did I come to? In these hard times, everyone is praying for a miracle. I know I'm guilty of buying a lottery ticket praying all the while that it will be a winner. But is money the solution to happiness? Sure it buys comfort, objects of desire, but does it buy peace? family security and unity? So I asked myself, why are you singing this song?

Well, it does have a beat one can move to - benefit to that is exercise. For me, the other benefit, is to define what or why do I want to be a "billionaire". I went through the gamut of benefits from siding being repaired that is rapidly deteriorating to reupholstering furniture that either my children or the dog have had "accidents" on to paying of business loans not to mention credit cards, but then a light went off somewhere in these thoughts...

If I or someone I love were to not be here tomorrow, for whatever reason, would siding matter? would furniture matter? clothes? jewels? I heard a resounding NO in my head!

Thank God for the roof over our heads, the health of our children, loved ones, friends; thank God for furniture to sit on and for the food that we can nourish our bodies with. In essence, I am a "billionaire", I just need to remind myself of that.

My prayer is for the world to have such blessings; I pray your lives are filled with billions of reasons to be grateful...and as for the song, sing and dance to it for the shear fun of it...it does have a "catchy" beat...and by the way, who wouldn't want to be on the cover of "Forbes magazine sitting next to Oprah and the Queen" - only problem, what would I wear?! Guess I'll cross that bridge when I need to even if it is only in my dreams ;-)!

Nest

So tonight, after what seems like months, I went out with the "ladies"... "girls night out" if you will. The birthday girl had chosen a restaurant named Nest. The company was delightful and the food was wonderful as was the ambiance, but I kept reflecting on the name.

What would prompt three male owners to name their restaurant this...Nest? Whatever their reasons may have been, I formulated my own. An environment that felt peaceful especially when combined with the company of friends. I felt like I was in a nest waiting to hatch in this warm place - that place deep within each of us. Was it the food? the service? the company that I was with? Probably all contributed to that feeling of warmth; wanting to "hatch" - to talk, to share, to grow - in an environment that felt soothing. Maybe it was seeing friends after awhile and just letting down "one's hair". In any regard, it was a night that felt safe and right.

Friendships with depth are hard to come by; friendships where one can share life's ups and downs and yet feel safe are also hard to achieve, but if you are fortunate, you encounter those rare exceptions and in a "nest" you can feel the warmth and "hatch" freely. The "scary" part is leaving that nest and facing ones realities - flying as it were.

Here's to being nurtured and loved in a nest and knowing that you are free to fly at your own pace and when you are ready. Here's to hoping that the three men that named their restaurant were thinking the same things I was...is that possible, for men to have that depth of expression and thought? I can only hope so.

Going to bed with the imagery of what I hope everyone can feel - security, peace, and openness in an enclosed and safe environment. A home where the walls encompass peace and warmth; where the "eggs"/humans within can grow. Going to bed with the hope that every home is a nest even though I know reality bodes otherwise.

If birds can so willingly and consciously not to mention without thought or malice build such secure homes...why can't humanity? My hope is that we can...simple, strong, secure nests to house hearts, minds and souls. A wondrous thought to envision and pray for....

Rock Bottom

I was listening to a commencement speech that a friend forwarded to me that JK Rowling's (the author of Harry Potter) had made at the 2008 Harvard University graduation. She entitled the speech, the "Fringe Benefits of Failure." I laughed and cried - more of the latter, I hate to admit. Her speech was inspiring to me on so many levels, I have to admit that one of my favorite and inspirational lines that she spoke was that "rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."

It is my favorite because too often we view "rock bottom" as a place to wallow, feel self-pity and also a place we just decide to stay. God knows I viewed it as such... but to change my perspective on this very poignant imagery "rock bottom", to view it as a solid foundation to rebuild ones life is so inspirational. In essence, there is no "rock bottom"; the earth supports us metaphorically and literally. What an eye opening thought!

"Stripping the inessential" as Rowling's said, also resonated with me. If you just look at the words - take away or rather, throw away, all that is unimportant to what life is truly all about. To pursue, seek and search ones inner quest and to not be afraid of failure because the earth supports us is such an empowering thought.

She continues to say that some failure in life is inevitable and that if you live so cautiously that you do not fail then you are truly not living - "in which case, you [have] failed by default". I repeated that part of her speech over and over again before moving on. I believe she wasn't implying that we should fail, but that taking risks is what life is about. To live, to take chances, to see the world for its possibilities, to not be burdened or inhibited by others views/expectations - I believe that is what she meant by "failure" in that particular part of her speech.

Why quote or even write about this speech that took place over two years ago? Well, first of all, it was just brought to my attention; but second, and most importantly, as I struggle with my day to day "failures" and view them as something horrific or tragic, I am prompted to try and see it in a different light. I have replayed this speech over what seems like a million times... I am inspired to view "rock bottom" as planet earth/God/mother earth/nature... you choose your own definition, as my foundation not my grave. That my "failures" were meant to happen... how else can I move forward? How else can I touch another person or spark another individual's imagination (which, by the way, is the second "lesson" she inspired her listeners to seek in her speech) ... even if that individual may only be my four year old?!

www.ted.com/talks/jk_rowling_the_fringe_benefits_of_failure.html

I am including the url for you to decide for yourself. I write to encourage myself and those who may read what I write; to view life differently as I try to myself. I may have to "dig" (forgive me on my metaphorical analogies) a little deeper to see a little further, but I don't fear that and pray you don't either.

Human Race

Have you ever questioned the little boxes that we check that say what nationality we are? Caucasian? African-American? etc...

Why is it that we are defined by where or within what skin color we are born in? Why is it that "race" is a question? I have been pondering this for a while now... why is it that we are not just one race? The "human race"? Wouldn't that make more sense?

The more we differentiate one another with these definitions are we not just causing more differentiation among one another? I believe so. As I talk to my children, I find myself saying more and more that that "person" is just human and part of the human race not black, white, Asian or otherwise. I want my children to see no color; no religion; no difference.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to just check one box on all the forms we are obligated to fill? Check the box that just says "human race"; and then to work on what humanity's definition should be - humanity, the world, should view itself as one; with one cause - the survival of all...the earth, the people that occupy this earth, and the nature that sustains us all.

Such an ideal dream, but I fear we are so far from seeing this dream. It makes me ponder, even sad, as I work to teach my children one thing and see the world fight to maintain their different ethnic differentiations. If, and only if, we could see that the earth houses all of us and that we are all are equal...what a thought! Radical? Maybe...but I don't think so...or am I just being an idealist?

Believe

How often have we heard to believe? Project positive energy into the world...it will be reciprocated? Karma? I know that I believe, but to what end and how far? I guess the answer lies within each of us. As I write tonight, I want to say "believe like there is no end; as if today is all we have and to be present is all we need to do." I am writing tonight, with a prayer in mind, I believe that there is a greater good and a greater Being guiding us/me. So as patience seems to be ending find the "well" within yourself to dig deeper and to continue believing.

That's it...find that "well" within yourself that holds the truth; that believes. Be the one that notices the tree without defining it as one....meaning define no one or no thing... exist and embrace.

With this simple word "Namaste" meaning "I see the light within you"... see the light within yourself and others. Live.

Manuals for Life

In raising children, I have found that there is so much I do not know...they never came with manuals and we, as parents, do the best we can; but sometimes that doesn't seem like it's fair. Let me explain. Almost everything we purchase or acquire comes with a manual to help guide us and if it doesn't then the purchase or acquisition must be self-evident in its usage. Children however are all so different and no matter how many books you read...well, you will probably not get all the answers or possible guidance you may need.

As infants, I knew to change diapers, nurse them, comfort them, clothe them...my breast (not as firm as they should be are from pregnancy weight gains and losses to breast feeding for long periods of times; my inventions are products developed out of my own necessities) and my gray hairs are sure tell signs of the challenges I as a parent (and I KNOW I am not alone) have faced, overcome and felt rewarded when the outcome has been what I had hoped for; but now as the children are respectively 12, 10, 7 and 4...I sure could use a manual for each of them.

Maybe it's not a manual we, as parents, need; maybe it's a community of us that communicate and share our experiences, wants, solutions to problems we all probably share. The only thing I know is that tonight as I post this entry, I have tucked four precious beings into bed thinking about the day we shared. The 12 year old, I swear is already in her teens...I just miscalculated her year of birth. The 10 year old, is going to give me a serious case of "reptile-itis"...I think he knows every species there is and if I would allow it, they would all be in my home. We had to go through a mini "prayer service" for a snake that had accidentally been run over by a car. You should have seen my son's sadness and mine as well at his grief. We forget how innocent their hearts and minds are. The 7 year old needs a serious retraining program...that child has literally climbed up every wall and furniture we own and I am awe at his endurance...but still can't help but look at all the hand and footprints I see in the strangest of places; seriously, hand and footprints near the ceiling in my hallway. And let's not forget the 4 year old, I think she's going into her teen years as well and again, I have miscalculated her year of birth. Either that or whoever said "terrible twos" was seriously mentally handicapped...did he or she not experience the ages of 3 and 4. Well let me tell you, that person needs to do his/her research over again!

But in having said/complained all this...would I change a thing? A hair on their heads? NEVER!

Children are blessings. I do wish, however, they came with manuals and above all, I pray they don't kill me before my time!

"Love them, nurture them, remember always that they are just children and be patient; they have to grow up sometime - right?!" - a quote I say to myself every day!''

Boys vs Girls

"Toads, frogs, snakes...Oh My!" I know, the song doesn't really go that way, but today I was watching my children...mind you, I have 2 boys and 2 girls and for about an hour, you would not have known the difference. We live in a wooded area with lots of toads, frogs, snakes, geckos, etc. With all the rain we have had of late, all these lovely creatures are coming out in large numbers and my children are in heaven. Today, however, as I watched them play...I couldn't tell them apart and I don't mean that I could tell them apart physically; I mean, I could not tell them apart by their level of interest.

Awhile back, I swore, I would not get skirmish over snakes and lizards, etc. I did not want to raise fearful children...although, I can't help but admit that my skin would "crawl" and I would spend an hour in the shower cleansing myself. Today, I welcome the creatures wherever the children want to place them on me...in my hands, lap, hair. I have found that these fair creatures are of amazing interest and I am thrilled to see the children cradle them with care and curiosity. Always, however, knowing that mom's rule is that you never keep them from their natural habitat. Enjoy them, pet them, love them...but let them go.

So as I sat today, I was thinking, nostagically of course, that just as my children play and nurture the creatures they have found then release them to be free...so too do I, as a parent, do that for them. Nurture, love, grow and then finally let them go!

The difference between animal life and human life is so nominal when put into such a simplistic perspective!