Humanity

Last night, I had the pleasure of talking to a distributor of our products in Australia. Although, technically, he is no longer distributing our products due to economic circumstances, we were able to touch base and discuss business changes and forecasts. I ended the conversation on a bittersweet note.

Economic changes have impacted not just me as a company, but the world...as far out as Australia. My company focuses on mom's nursing and on the comfort of pregnant women while ensuring the well-being of the fetus they are carrying. I have developed products based on my own necessities that I have come to learn are the majority of women's concerns. And yet, companies such as mine, with the best of intentions are struggling to stay afloat. Why is that? Why is it that good intentions; good products; good companies are struggling? Should I, or others like me, feel frustrated, angry or even sad?

I think being human predisposes us to those emotions, but what if we try to change our perspective. Accept that we can feel frustrated, angry or even sad; but to try and see our endeavor as one worth pursuing no matter what the struggle may entail. I keep telling myself to stay in the moment; focus on that which I love and to not feel defeated. Numbers in a bank account do not measure our self-worth. The family you are nurturing and raising; the extended family that you care for; friends, co-workers - these are the ones that one should measure their self-worth by; meaning, how do they view us and make us feel? If a dollar figure could be put on that, well then, we could all potentially be billionaires!

Back to my conversation with Arthur, our Australian Distributor, I connected with him on a level that went beyond work. It was a human connection about what is important in life; what is important about family and about adventures that we both had enjoyed namely scuba diving. The latter, gives you a perspective on how small you are in relation to the depths of the oceans and the animals great and small that occupy it.

If we could measure ourselves in terms of what we give and not what we get then I believe humanity, as a whole, would be much richer...monetarily and/or otherwise.

Foundations

When raising children, you have to constantly reflect on what you are teaching them and the foundations you are setting for them. Are you imparting your baggage on them? Living vicariously through them? Giving them the freedom to fly? or, ideally, "all of the above". "Your baggage", to me, means burdens you have not been able to overcome no matter how hard you have tried and the journey towards resolution remains one you are willing to undertake. Living "vicariously" through the children, again to me, means seeing the dreams you left unrealized, for whatever reason(s), being brought to life by your children and finally, the "freedom to fly"...to let the children literally see no boundaries and to "fly"/wonder/ponder/explore as they wish. The freedom to be who there are meant to be.

In trying to understand my reasonings for how I raise my children, I have come to realize that the reasons are many and sometimes hard to define, but they all center around one theme....let your children be all that they desire to be; they have seen or learned about your past and the concerns that have risen in your mind; the concerns that guide you when making decisions for their well-being. I have learned from the past in such a way that I want to make certain that my children know that the future holds no limits and finally, if you [the children] don't mind, I would love to share in your journey as your grow and become responsible citizens and adults.

Last night, I took my daughter to her tennis match while my husband took the boys to theirs. My daughter lost one set and tied in the second set before time ran out. She was a far superior player to her opponent (and I do not say this boastfully; I am just stating a matter of fact), but in the car, she started to cry. I turned to her and told her that she lost because she tried to "outplay" her opponent. She had seen her opponent's weaknesses and thought it would be an easy win...well God, and the game of tennis, quickly humbled her. You play to YOUR abilities and to the best of YOUR abilities...you do not worry about your opponent or think to yourself,"this is an easy win." Being humble and true to yourself and your abilities is key. She lost, in essence, because she believed the "game was in the bag!" It was a hard lesson, but truly a worthwhile one.

I recall a saying my uncle had once shared with me and forgive my translation..."The tree that has only a few fruits hanging from her branches, flails her branches in the air for all to see; as if to say, "hey look at me and the fruit I bare." Whereas the tree, laden with fruit, so much so that it's branches "bow" to the ground because the fruit is so heavy upon it, is being humble and not flailing her branches - everyone can see she is rich with fruit.

So on that note, an again with a tree analogy, a person must find richness within themselves and share that with others in a manner that is humble and respectful not to mention having appreciation for being so blessed. To take this analogy a little further, even to be so laden with fruit, your roots must be deep and in fertile soil. In other words, enrich your soul with things that will make it fertile and enable it to bare fruit.

Only another mom...

Another day of cleaning and getting our home classroom in order. School as usual on Monday; much to the children's dismay! One good thing about having to clean dust out of every nook is that you find things you had forgotten about or put aside to reminisce about later...lost treasures of sorts! Today, I found pictures I had forgotten; paintings my children had made that I had "filed" (which apparently translates to "laid on a shelf and then buried it with paperwork"); the wallet my late father-in-law carried - God how I miss him; and an old video of a sonogram of a son I lost at 6 months pregnancy. Although I know his passing saved my life (I was diagnosed with a blood clotting issue), I can't help but wonder who he would have been today and what he might have achieved in years to come. My late father-in-law, in his attempt to comfort me in my moments of weakness, would say, "Anita, God has his plans laid out for us and everyone has a role to play. You can be sad, but you have to believe in God's will...it is 'stamped' invisibly on each of our foreheads."

I cried a bit and coveted old memories; looked around me and felt very blessed. With those thoughts predominant in my heart and mind. At around 5:00 pm, I realized my body and mind had had enough. Time to go out and enjoy a Saturday night with the family.

The children were thrilled to get out! We started at the pet store where my oldest son ALMOST got away with getting a reptile...I say, "almost", because I want him to go back to the pet store when it's feeding time so that he can realize what it all entails...to keep one animal alive you have to feed it the life of another...and to be honest, I think he would be too sensitive for that, but let's see; if he's not too sensitive, then mom's "weak stomach" will have to be the excuse for not getting a reptile!"

After the pet shop, it was dinner time. We went to our favorite restaurant only to find that it had an hour wait. Headed for the bar/appetizer area to wait our turn, when a group of women saw me holding my 3 1/2 year and my 7 year old tugging/dragging on my arm behind me. I am sure my hair, face, and demeanor must have screamed "She's an exhausted mom let's give her a break!" These three gracious women said, "please take out seats, we are about to leave." I thanked them and they responded, "we're mom's too and know how hard it is to go out and enjoy an evening in such a crowd and especially with kids in tow!"

I was so grateful and made sure they knew it. Only another mom would empathize with what another mom may be feeling. I am sure I didn't look my best, but I know I didn't look my worst; and yet, these women knew what I was feeling which was "God, help me find a table to feed these kids." There were at least 10 tables with people seated around them; and some were very close to finishing, but only these women got up for me. Couldn't help but wonder, if I looked my best and had no kids in tow or a husband (instead a group of girlfriends), would the gentlemen at the other tables have gotten up?! These women acted selflessly and with compassion - don't know your names, but I am thinking of your graciousness tonight and thanking you for it!

We ended up eating our dinner at that table and leaving "just in time" - translation - "before any major meltdowns from the younger children! Hope you all had a wonderful Saturday and that you experienced or were the giver of some gracious act that was appreciated by another.

Until we "meet" again...be well and at peace with your thoughts and body and know that the smallest act of kindness you show another will be reciprocated to you and so appreciated by the person you bestowed that kindness upon.

Ever Thought?

I have to apologize but the "ants", I mean installers, gave me such a migraine yesterday that I went to bed in shear exhaustion last night. As soon as they left for the day, I started cleaning so that my children would have a bed to sleep in...migraine and all...I got two bedrooms cleaned and ready for them to sleep in; I figured, everyone would double or even triple up for the night!

Remember the "rooster" that hadn't fulfilled her morning obligations? Well, this morning, she did an "amazing" job; she started crowing by saying, "everyone get your ass out of bed!" Where in God's name did she learn that? I woke up half glad she had gotten us up in time; half appalled that at 3 1/2 I had raised such an ill mannered young girl. I mean goodness gracious, I don't use the word "ass"!!! or do I? I'm going to have to start minding my manners/mouth around her, but controlling the older siblings and even the husband is another discussion!

Anyways, anyone who has hardwood floors installed will empathize...dust enters ever crevice of everything you own. I swear, there was dust even in my eardrums! As I mentioned in my last entry, the pounding may be rhythmic but it is deafening. Well, today was our last day...and although, I had grown quite fond of my "whistling while they work" workers, I have to admit that it was time for everyone to clear out. I was getting that "itch" to clean and get my life back in order. I can not work or think in chaos; and my definition of chaos may be different from others. Meaning, I can take on a lot from work to the children to life in general, but a house or work space in disarray will throw me so off balance that I don't know where to begin. I need clarity of space to have clarity of mind.

So tonight, after literally 6 hours of nonstop cleaning, I feel like I have 90% of my home in order; the perfectionist in me is quitting for the night and reserving some energy for tomorrow!

I wanted to write tonight, however, to share a thought...have you ever thought how there is no difference between us as humans? Meaning, if you show respect you get it; if you show disregard you get that. I shook hands with the workers as they left today and did a final walk through and thought to myself...how gracious these workers had been. They had worked hard and respected my home as their own...and I believe that was because on day one, I had shook each of their hands and every moment thereafter treated them as guests in my home as opposed to workers.

Human beings thrive on the compassion that we show one another; we grow from it and flourish. When we all realize that being humane is part of being human then I believe humanity can be saved.

I won't get too philosophical, but as my "tree roots grow" I am amazed how much "they" are experiencing and learning.

When Patience Gets Tested

Ever wake up and just feel like "it's going to be one of those days?" Well, I did, this morning! Awhile back, my husband and I had decided that we wanted to remove the carpeting in our home and replace it with hardwood floors not just for aesthetics, but also because the children have so many allergies that carpeting just seemed to harbor all they were allergic to no matter how often I vacuumed. Now you do the math, with four children, how often do you think I get to vacuum? People who know me well, know I am a "neat freak"...I prefer the word perfectionist; in any regards, even a perfectionist can't vacuum every day.

Anyways, I digress. The one morning everyone should be up early because the installers are supposed to arrive bright and early, no one wants to wake up - not even the 3 year old whose usually the "rooster who crows" and gets us all going. Well the "rooster who crowed" or I should say the "bedhead who caught a glimpse of the clock" was me and I started "crowing" like it was no ones business!

All the "crowing" and hustling to get everyone up and downstairs; dragging books for teaching with me so I could have my usual school day with the children only led to a headache. The installers arrived right on time - NOT! They arrived at 10:45...the minute I was pulling out of my garage to take the older children to their tutor. Talk about a day already off schedule getting even further off schedule!

Backed into the garage again; welcomed the installers (all 10 of them); excused myself to take the children to their class and then rushed back home. I wanted to be certain furniture being moved wasn't being done so carelessly (I hear you saying "perfectionist", but not so...no money in the budget to replace damaged furniture and so far the installers hadn't given me much faith in their abilities!).

Then the endless movement of old carpet being carried out...like a procession of ants. Rolled carpets on their shoulders as they came down and empty handed walking upstairs to only come back down moments later with the burden of old carpeting on their shoulders. It was actually quite mesmerizing or maybe I was just "zoning" out of exhaustion!

Then the pounding began and would not stop. Like the procession of ants/men, the sound would start at one end of the house and just "drum roll" down the ceiling. I could just imagine the men lined up in a row pounding rhythmically whistling while they worked. Haven't I heard that somewhere? Oh yeah, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs! But this was no fairy tale and no Prince Charming to save me from the racket. To top it off, the two younger children were talking and playing above the noise; oblivious to the hammering and oblivious to my headache turning into a full blown migraine. Oh, the joys of being young and oblivious!

Prince Charming, my husband, was given the small task of picking up the two older children from their tutor at 12:00. What time does he get there? 1:00. How do you think the tutor felt? Well, she wasn't whistling while she worked; surprised she didn't bring a hammer here to "install" a few things into me as well! So much for Prince Charming saving me! He dropped off the children, took a look around and left. HELLO...care to ask how we're doing? Guess not. He had a meeting to attend to and the noise was distracting him from his prepared thoughts for that meeting. OH REALLY! Imagine being in that noise for hours on end? Now 2 children became 4 and the noise level went up several notches. Apparently the older children were also oblivious to mom's migraine and were grateful that the noise made it impossible for their mom to teach...can you all say "snow day" in the middle of spring?!

Well, all kidding and migraine aside, the workers were amazing, efficient and truly as considerate as they could be. I mean really, Anita, there is no way to install floors quietly. Now you may be asking, "why didn't you leave?" Well, now you can call me a perfectionist...had to be sure the work was being done nicely!

What an Amazing Way to "Talk"...Just Blog your feelings

Remember the days when you would make fun of your mother for saying things that were old fashioned or just plain not "cool"? I see myself as a young mom with lots to offer, but today was an enlightening day on many fronts. I repeatedly called my daughter's ipod a "walkman"... remember those things? I felt so cool with it attached to my waist. Faux pas number 1 (by the way, not the first time I've called those things a "Walkman"). Faux pas number 2, I caught myself licking my thumb to remove a stain off my son's face - you should have seen how grossed how he looked (smiling now, but horrified that his own mother's saliva would cause him such angst). Faux pas number 3, or at least in the eyes of my children, counting my change so I could pay for something without having to break a $5 bill; my reasoning, which is valid, is that coins were taking up too much space...my children, however, looked at the long line behind me and were hoping their mother's ability to count would either speed up or that she'd quit and hand the cashier a $5 bill. Meanwhile, I'm just smiling and adding up my pennies, nickles, dimes and quarters to pay for the drinks, but constantly having to call the kids back so I wouldn't lose them; little did I know they were trying to run away from embarrassment.

So what did I learn today? Shame on me for making fun of my mother's accent, mispronunciations and daily faux pas; but above all, I learned to laugh about how cyclical life really is. We get what we dished out...although, I think my sister doesn't get her fair share of what she "dished out" in our youths to our parents - and yet she is my best friend, the one who makes me laugh, and my business partner. My mom, she too, laughs with us as we recall funny moments. Like when, my sister and I were both misbehaving, and she said, "you girls are skating on skinny ice!" God, did we laugh at her and ignore the repercussions of doing so.

So in this quiet moment when all the children are in their beds, I am reminiscing on this day. I am laughing about parts of it; concerned about academic goals that weren't meet; feeling relatively at peace about business goals that were achieved for Utterly Yours and thinking to myself that faux pas are part of life - if you don't make them, first, who's going to laugh and second, how are we supposed to learn?

Be a tree...root yourself deeply and spread your branches to embrace it ALL!

I'm actually "blogging"

For months now, I have been saying my life could be a book...not a best-seller, but definitely a book that would be worth at least paging through; it would make most women feel less alone knowing that there are other moms out there trying to make it through rather challenging, endless days! But why write now? I think it is because I need a voice that is mine; expressed without hesitation and to ears that are older than the age of 12!

At 44, I am starting to wonder if the things I have set out to do in life were for me, the children, my spouse, extended family, friends, strangers...for whom? for what? I've invented products based out of my own needs and necessities in hopes that it would help other women. I sincerely believe all women need to care for one another and nurture each others' souls; it can get drained and depleted so easily. On the other hand, I firmly believe that women have the strongest spirits and the most resilient souls; they can touch the core of those they willingly reach out. We are amazing beings with endless capacities - given the chance!

So why write now and not 6 years ago, when I had started my company and was trying to raise 3 children...one more child came along shortly thereafter! Why now, when not only am I trying to make women aware of the wonders of nursing, but also the ability to persevere; or for ensuring pregnant women's comfort and support in a manner never seen before, but also while I've undertaken the task of home schooling my children?

Maybe, as I said earlier, writing would give me a form of expression that would otherwise be absent.

I want to continue to share my journey's to date with you, but I want to end on this note for now. A few days ago, I was struck by a thought as I worried about the children, their education, my business, our family's debts - everything everyone else worries about as well.

A tree never worries. Ever thought of that? It grounds its roots deep into the ground; lifts its branches to the skies; never asks "God, please let it rain." It just exists; not expecting or wanting; not worrying or planning...so in my deepest moments of thought and worries, I say to myself, "Anita, dig your roots deep and open your arms to all that is around you; be like a tree that expects nothing and yet freely receives what is meant to be."

On that note and until we "talk" again, be at peace and be a tree knowing you can be resilient, deep rooted and with arms [branches] open wide to embrace the world.